A difficult question for Cocoa....

"Dear Cocoa,

My pets were drinking all sorts of different drinks during their holiday celebration; and I, being a normal feline, was checking them all out.  Most of them were the same things as usual--morning drink, mother drink, and the like.  But then I checked out a drink that was so horrendous it made my eyes water.  I quickly moved away to the next one, but it was the same.  Before long everyone in the room (except the babes for some reason) had one of these horrid smelling drinks.  I couldn't figure out what it was but I also couldn't figure out how they could bear to drink the awful smelling stuff.  Could you please explain?

Signed Watering Eyes"

"Dear Watering Eyes,

Yes, our pets have some awful habits, don't they?  The drink you describe is one of their worst.  It is a combination of liquids call 'aalkeehal'.  I was, at first, as confused as you are; however I have learned over the years that this aalkeehal is to them as 'cat nip' is to us.  It makes them crazy and sleepy.  I don't know why they wouldn't drink it all the time (I would have cat nip daily if I could however the smell might be the reason for them).  When the aalkeehal comes out, I find it best to seek out a warm cubby where they can't find me and I can sleep away their weird behavior.  Great Question, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

A cat's observance

"Dear Cocoa,

Yesterday (would be the wild day everyone was ripping open packages) I stood in the doorway and watched as my human pets ripped open all of the packages that had been meticulously wrapped days before.  I had a wonderful time playing with the balls of paper and chasing ribbons about, but I was still kinda curious as to why these silly pets carefully wrapped and then ripped open these packages.  Can you explain?

Signed Wondering"

"Dear Wondering,

I have been with humans for many years and have observed this same phenomenon every year at about the same time.  At first I thought it might be a ritual of celebration, but now I know the truth.  You see all humans have this insane desire to be violent.  Yes, this fact is sad but true.  In order to avoid being violent to those they love, they carry out this ritual once a year.  This allows them to take out their frustrations and bouts of violence while receiving something to calm them down when they are done.  Be content with playing with the aftermath and stay out of their way while they are performing.  

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa discusses outside/inside

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a very happy, inside-outside feline.  I am pampered while inside the house and can run with the pack while outside.  A recent incident (something I have often seen in the past and wondered about) reminded me of my question to you:  Why do some felines remain outside even in inclement weather? I, myself, race inside and cozy up to the heater or my pet; why don't they do the same?  Please answer my question, I know it isn't really all that important, but I would like to know.

Signed Curious"

"Dear Curious,

The simple answer to your questions is this:  many felines prefer the freedom of the outside environment.  Others are not lucky enough to acquire a pet family.  Even more prefer to remain out in the cold and wet so that their pet families will make more of them when they come home.  I, myself, prefer to remain indoors now since the constant change in temperature  caused my skin to itch as I grew and then lost extra fur.  However, I always say "to each his own".  Don't fret about what the others are doing; just enjoy what you are doing (unless of course you wish to try something new and then you can see how the others get along).  I hope this answers your question and satisfies your curiosity.

Signed Cocoa"

Medsins for the felines

"Dear Cocoa,

Recently my pets brought me to the man with the white coat because I wasn't feeling too good and I finally got them to understand that.  Anyway, the man with the white coat stuck me with pins and poked and prodded me until I thought I would puke on him.  I thought I was finally safe when my pets brought me home and I could curl up in my favorite bed; but I was wrong.  First thing in the morning they began stuffing this awful tasting stuff down my throat.  I fought valiantly, but they were three and I was only one so they won.  How can I prevent this from happening again?  PS:  what is that stuff they forced on me??????

Signed A Sick Cat"

"Dear A Sick Cat,

Sadly we do get sick now and then, even with our strong constitutions.  I suspect that you acquired something that causes the man in the white coat to have to treat you with a medsin.  For some horrible reason, the humans don't feel that our medsins should taste good to us and so they stuff it down our throats causing us to gag.  You are probably beginning to feel better and so don't need the medsin anymore.  I would fight with all I have---and hope the towels don't come out because we felines are helpless with a towel wrapped tight around us as I'm sure you are fully aware.  Don't give up, keep up the fight, don't let them win - if you can at all help it!  Good Luck!

Signed Cocoa"

Addicted to a toy?

"Dear Cocoa,

I have a serious problem that I can no longer deal with; you see, I am addicted to my stuffed skunk toy.  I have to have it with me wherever I go and when it goes underneath something I have to yowl until my pets get it out for me.  I can't face even one day without my tinkle ball.  Please help me!  I am at my wits end.

Signed Skunk"

"Dear Skunk,

I should be so lucky.  You do not have a problem, you have a wonderful situation!  It won't be long before your pets begin to bring you home lots and lots of skunk toys so that you will be able to have one in every spot you frequent.  I have one tinkle ball that I share with ten other felines along with a few of the skunk toys and such; however I would love to have one of my very own.  Enjoy your skunk toy and quit worrying about what it might mean.  After all, you are a feline and feline's are eccentric.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa answers the question about human pets rising late and staying home.

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a learned feline with plenty of experience and wild living under my collar; however, I am now the object of much pampering from a human pet I recently adopted.  The thing that confuses me is this:  For several days in a row, my pet will rise at the rising of the sun, feed me, eat, shower, etc. and then leave for the day allowing me to roam and play as I like.  I usually get a lot of my mischief out during that time because she is not around to stop me.  But then there are days that she sleeps late, feeds me real late (and I am famished by then), and stays home!  I can't frolic as I like, I can't sleep where I like, I can't even bathe in public.  Why is this?

Signed Frustrated"

"Dear Frustrated,

Your pet has to have some rest from her busy day of earning what is needed to keep you pampered.  She is taking her rest and easing herself back into the energy she will need to continue on with your life-style.  Don't fret the difference; instead climb under the covers with her and get your own break from the busy day of frolicking and such.  

Signed Cocoa"

Apology

I do apologize everyone, but the human who writes my blogs out for me has been in the hospital and those paws of mine are simply too big for the job.  As soon as she is well, she will start writing again, I have a lot for her to catch up on.

Signed Cocoa

Outside or in???????

"Dear Cocoa,

While I am one of the smartest felines I know, I have been wondering about something that, because I am outdoors and not indoors, I can't figure out.  Why do the cats that are indoors sit at the windows and ask me to get them out?  Are they really a prisoner?  Are they being tortured or something?  Should I break them out as they ask?  Please help.

Signed Is the Window a Prison"

"Dear Is the Window a Prison,

You are seeing that horrid monster called Feline Envy.  You see, the cats at the windows want to go out and enjoy the freedom that you enjoy, but they don't want to because they will lose the pampering they are getting.  You see, when inside they are fed, given toys and a warm place to sleep.  They are warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  They are more than content.  But the Wander Lust is still there and they envy your abilities to do just that.  Do not break them out, however, because they would not know how to live without the pampering.  Once pampered, always pampered.  

Signed Cocoa"

Is a fancy bed better?

"Dear Cocoa,

I guess my question is curiosity more than a need.  Here goes:  my friends often invite me into their pets homes to share food and play.  I have noticed that they have these fancy beds with fluff and covers and such; but when I tried them out they were hard and uncomfortable.  I have a great big basket that my pet put a big blanket in and I love it.  Is there something wrong with me because my friends all say it is too soft and uncomfortable for them?

Signed Soft Bed"

"Dear Soft Bed,

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, especially felines.  I also have several fancy beds and one that has a soft deep blanket in it.  I find I enjoy the different ones according to my moods.  Don't let your friends fool you into thinking you are wrong; however, don't think that after one try those fancy beds will never be comfortable for you.  Don't be afraid to try again.

Signed Cocoa"

Lack of fur

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a contented cat and have no issues that must be discussed.  I do, however, have a big question for you.  Why do humans shave off their hair and then put layers of cloth on themselves?  I love lying in my cat bed (found here) and getting all warm and cozy.  How can our pets do that when they don't have any fur on their bodies?  I hope you can answer this, but if you can't, I will understand.

Signed Curious about the lack of fur"

"Dear Curious about the lack of fur,

While I know that human pets are different from felines, I also know there are some things even I can't answer.  I fear this is one.  I do, however, have a few theories that I will share with you.  First:  Perhaps they feel that the cloth makes a better covering (don't see how, but you know how pets are). Second:  They get itchy with the fur in place (although when I have lost fur and it grows back I am more itchy than when I had the fur).  Third:  They want to be seen as different from felines (though why they would not want to be associated with a superior life-form is beyond me).  I'm sorry I couldn't do better with this one, but I hope you continue to write in.  In the meantime, I think I will do some more research on this subject.  Who knows, maybe I will discover the true reason and can pass it on to my readers.

Signed Cocoa"

Hooked....on cat nip?????

"Dear Cocoa,

I have a big problem and I am truly hoping you can help me out.  I live in a home with three pets who take care of my every need; however, they love to give me cat nip each night.  I don't know why, I only know I can't resist the stuff and I wake up every morning with a massive headache.  I have tried to pretend it isn't there, but they leave it all night long and I simply can't resist.  Please help me!

Signed Hangover"

"Dear Hangover,

I am a cat nip lover myself and I have often awoke with the the feeling of a hangover as well.  The trick is to wait until they are not around and then grab up as much cat nip as you can and go hide it in a secret stash located close to your favorite sleeping spot.  Build upon your stash every night while enjoying the remainder with gusto.  Once your stash is built, you can enjoy the cat nip without worry; and the next morning take a bit of your stash to kill the headache.  Hope this helps, 

Signed Cocoa"

Cats do love their cat nip very much, but it should not be given in large amounts or too often.  I give it during special occasions or when I need them sleepy for a vet visit.  If you find that your cat seeks out the cat nip a little too often, try putting some in an old sock and securely tying off the opening.  Toss this to you cat and watch them go crazy.  Replace the sock once the cat no longer seems interested in it.

A cage......

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Nemo

I have a question that I was hoping you could answer.  You see, I am new in the 'pet' life, having been an outside cat all of my young life, and wanted to know if this is normal.  My pets will put me in a large cage just before they leave.  I mean the cage is large and has everything I need except freedom.  Are they punishing me for being an outside cat?  Please explain this to me.

Signed Caged"

"Dear Caged,

Your pets are under the impression that they are in charge.  This is a concept that is totally unacceptable for felines.  Unfortunately, they rarely end this behavior no matter how well behaved you are.  If I were you I would begin to fight when they try to put you in the cage and at the very first opportunity that presents itself Get Out!  I hope all works out for you, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa has been around.

"Dear Cocoa,

My question is a bit personal, but I hope you are willing to answer it.  You see, I have been keeping up with your column ever since you put out your first one.  I love the answers you give to those of us who need help because they seem to be exactly what is needed.  My question is:  where did you get all of your incredible knowledge?

Signed Wondering"

"Dear Wondering,

I won't tell you how old I am; however, I have lived a few years and have been around.  I have lived on my own and in with pets.  I understand how things work and I know how humans think.  I have been in some pretty tight predicaments in my day and have managed to come out unscathed but much more knowledgeable than when I got into trouble.  Also, I take the time to observe.  I have spend hours and sometimes days just observing how humans and felines act and react to different situations.  The study is incredible.  Hmmm, perhaps I should write a book on the subject....oh, sorry, I got a little carried away.  Hope I have answered your question fully, Wondering.

Signed Cocoa"

Cats make wonderful loving pets and are one of the cleanest domesticated animals.  They love to play, climb, wrestle, eat, and sleep.  Many also love to go outside.  If your cat goes outside or is an outside cat, please be sure to keep them safe with flea and tick treatments (I use Advantage II from 1800petmeds.com); have them micro-chipped (your local vet can help you with this); and use breakaway collars in case the collar gets stuck somewhere.  Also, if you cat is outside for days at a time, don't put anything on their collar that makes noise because that will prevent them from being able to hunt for their food (the noise will alert their prey).  

Cat is having a tough time of it.

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Hans

I have been trying for several years now to acquire a permanent home with pets; however, they always toss me out shortly after I arrive and they don't invite me back in.  I can't figure out what I am doing wrong.  Can you help?  Here is a typical day for me in the last home I was in:  "I awoke late, as usual, and found a plate of sausages sitting on the table.  Assuming it was mine I pigged out.  Then, having to relieve myself and not finding a plot of grass anywhere, I went to the potted plants and did my thing; some fell on the floor, but what would they expect with such a small area.  I then tried to find a nice soft warm place to take a nap, but the only soft place I could find was the area where the humans sleep.  Well, I was King, right?  Suddenly the humans came racing up the stairs screaming and yelling.  They grabbed me by the scruff of my neck (how rude) and tossed me outside in the cold."

Signed Needing great assistance here"

"Dear Needing great assistance here,

I fear you have failed to recognize the lines that humans draw when they invite a feline into the home.  First, you shouldn't eat all of the sausages, save some for the humans.  Second, a plant is no place to relieve ones-self, use the bathtub or the rug in the living room.  Third, never lay on the humans bed until they have made it up all fancy so you can dig and adjust as you like it.  Fourth, if you are given a hard time about something, well, it is a small price to pay for free food, warmth and toys by complying with their rules, right?  Hope this helps in your next home.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa answers a confusing question.

"Dear Cocoa,

Who is right?

I never knew my real mom because she died right after I was born.  I was taken in by a human pet who fed me, loved me, kept me warm and safe.  Now, I am several years older and still remain with my human mother.  I can't help but refer to her as my mother since she is the one who cared for me.  Other felines from the neighborhood have been teasing me about calling her my mother.  Am I wrong, or are they?

Signed Mother Confusion"

"Dear Mother Confusion,

Felines don't usually consider the one who raised them as their mother, only as the one who raised them.  However many, and it seems you fit into this category, remain with their caregivers for many years.  The caregiver, however, usually becomes a simple feline mate after the need for care is done.  

Take heart, though, because the human caregivers do not fall into this category!  I was raised by a human caregiver myself and I consider her my human mother.  She is so wonderful to me that I can't help but love her back.  Therefore, though your acquaintances are right in the respect that the feline caregiver is not your 'mother'; they are wrong when they say that your human caregiver is not your 'mother'.  

Signed Cocoa"

Should I not want to remain outside?

"Dear Cocoa,

Outside is warm and comfortable.

I read your column every day and I have come to believe that you are the go-to person (oops I meant feline) when we have questions.  So here is my question:  I live in a small neighborhood on the warm side of the world.  My playmates have all found homes with loving pets to pamper and spoil them.  I, being the best of the lot if I do say so myself, have chosen not to seek a home.  I feel that I am better off free with the whole world in front of me.  I visit my pals now and then and they are constantly trying to get me to come into their world of getting fat and lazy; however, that is not my game.  How do I convince them otherwise, or is it hopeless and I should move on without them?

Signed Loving the Outside"

"Dear Loving the Outside,

First of all, let me thank you for being an avid reader of my column.  Now on to your issue:  every feline deserves a moment of pampering in their rough life; however, like you, not every feline desires that pampering.  You have found your place in the world and desire nothing less.  Since the world you live in is warm and comfortable, food and resting areas abound and inside is not a necessity.  Go as you like and tell your friends that you are happy; if they continue to insist, then stop visiting them.  You are one of the unique free souls of the feline world and there is nothing wrong with following your heart.  One word of caution, however; well maybe a few more than that:  never cross a busy pathway; check your food before you eat it; stay away from human gathering areas; and once you locate a good food source, stay close to it.  I hope you live a long and happy life, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

Cat troubles

"Dear Cocoa,

A good place to hide might be
a large sack.

I absolutely love my pets; however, their babies are another story entirely.  One in particular is always chasing me and pulling my tail.  I have screamed at my pets for help, scratched the baby enough to let him know that the action is bad, and even bit him a few times without success.  What else is there?  My pets don't even acknowledge that the baby is hurting me.  I fear I may have to leave.  Is there any hope?

Signed Tail Hurts"

"Dear Tail Hurts,

There are always possibilities.  First, does the baby chase you and pull your tail when the other pets are around or does he sneak about and catch you when the others are out?  If you can, try to remain in an area where the other pets are; in this way, when you cry out in pain they will hear and react.  Also, try to stay out of the baby's sight as much as possible when others are not there.  When he gets to the point that it is really starting to hurt, wait until another is present and scream and then scratch and run.  Hopefully your pets will understand the meaning.  If they don't, perhaps finding another home would be wise since your present pets may not truly understand the feline way.  I wish you luck!

Signed Cocoa"

Human pets have little hair.

"Dear Cocoa,

I have one for you and I bet you won't be able to answer this one even with all of your knowledge and experience.  So, here goes:  Why don't our pets, or any of the humans for that matter, have fur on their bodies?  They have it on their head, but not hands, arms, or legs.  Is this one of the reasons we are superior?

Signed Wondering"

"Dear Wondering,

Ah, you seek to catch me, but my knowledge is vast.  You ask why the humans have little or no fur and I have the answer, my friend.  You see the humans used to live, a long time ago, in a very hot volcano.  It was so hot that when they cleaned themselves they went further and further trying to remove the hair so they would be cooler.  Eventually they had removed most of their hair.  When the young ones were born, they cleaned them in the same manner so they would not be too hot.  Thus, as the species developed, they had less and less hair until they became as you see them today.  I guess that does explain some of the reasons why they are inferior to us since we would never go that far knowing, as we do, that the world and the weather is always changing.  I am glad to have been able to answer your question,

Signed Cocoa"

Cats lick themselves to get themselves clean.  Their have a chemical in their saliva that helps them to remove the dirt from their hair and skin.  There are times, however, when a cat may actually remove their fur right down to the skin.  This can be nothing more serious than a summer allergy or it can be something in the belly that is bothering them.  I have found that when my cats are doing this they have acquired worms from eating fleas or bugs.  Generally they are better after worming.  If this is not the cause, you might want to take your cat to the vet for testing.  

Cocoa talks about the annual challenge

"Dear Cocoa,

My pets just put up this wonderful tree which they decorated with all sorts of shiny new toys for me and my housemates.  But when we tried to climb the thing my pets sprayed us and yelled a lot.  Is this a new game for them?  Have I been challenged?  Please explain.

Signed Can't climb the tree"

"Dear Can't climb the tree,

Your pets are indeed challenging you and your housemates.  This is a tradition that dates far back in feline history.  Pets put up the tree, which is sometimes even a real one, and then put shiny and brightly colored items on it once a year.  It stays up for a few weeks and we are challenged to get to the top of the tree without our pets noticing.  Once we are on top of the tree, we are supposed to sway until the tree falls so that we can all play with the shiny items that hung on it.  I wish you luck with this challenge because once the tree goes up, pets are very vigilant about it.  

Signed Cocoa"

A cat with notoriety.

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a female with children all over this town.  I am well-known and well-loved.  Every feline, male and female, knows my name.  So why is it that the pets of this town don't seem to know me at all and some will even throw water on me to send me away?  What is wrong with them?

Signed Unknown to Pets"

"Dear Unknown to Pets,

Sadly, human pets live in their own little world and don't really care about any of the others.  You may be a very well-known feline throughout the area, but the pets don't recognize that.  They see you as a...dare I say it...*STRAY*, meaning trouble to them.  However, I wouldn't worry about the pets in your area.  Just stay away from the mean ones, rub the nice ones and ignore those who ignore you.  You will be a much happier feline if you follow this advice.  By the way, congratulations on your popularity, it takes a very sophisticated feline to obtain such notoriety.  

Signed Cocoa"

Am I loosing my home?

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by PublicDomainPictures

I am a typical unfixed male cat that just loves my time out-doors living in the barn of my pets who always leave food and water for my benefit.  I have kept the place free from scavenging mice (and stray felines who may think that this is a great place to live) for several years.  While my pets cuddle and pet me whenever they are outdoors and keep me healthy and free of parasites, they have often tried to get me to move inside with them.  I refused and have been quite happy that I did.  Recently, however, I followed my instincts to a female wishing to mate.  I was gone for a short time (no more than a month or so) because there was more than one female and the fighting was incredible (just loved it).  When I returned, I discovered that my pets had acquired another feline and this one was living in the house with them.  They seemed pleased that I had returned, but stopped leaving me food and water.  I must now hunt for my meals.  What do I do?  Should I seek a new home?  Is it hopeless for me now?  PS:  the newbie is a baby.

Signed Seems to be loosing a great home"

"Dear Seems to be loosing a great home,

Babies are hard to beat when it comes to human pets because the babies are so cute and helpless (to them).  I suspect your pets felt you were not coming back since to them you were gone a very long time.  Hopefully they will resume their feeding if you remain for any length of time; however, I fear the cuddles will be reserved for the newbie.  If I were you, I would go locate one of those females and invite them to live with you in your barn.  Once they have their babies, the humans will be more attentive to you and the family.  Be careful, though, because they may wish to invite them inside and they might succeed.    Good luck, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

Another dilemma solved by Cocoa the Cat

"Dear Cocoa,

I am an old hand at being an indoor cat, having been in many homes over my vast lifetime.  I have learned that there are some places that pets just won't let us felines sleep in; and now I would like to know why.  I mean, I know they don't want us on their table (but sometimes they are lit by the sun and are soo warm); and I know that they don't really want us to get on the stove (even though the food up there sometimes smells so good); but why are they so adamant about their pillows?  The pillows are so soft and they smell just like my pet who is so very good to me.  I just want to be able to smell them as I sleep away my afternoon (or morning, or evening).  But I am constantly shoo'd off of the pillows (occasionally with a great deal of force).  So please tell me why.  

Signed No Pillow Nap"

"Dear No Pillow Nap,

Yes, sadly our pets are adamant about felines not sleeping on their pillows.  I suspect, after all of my years of studying such things, that I have the true reason.  You see, pets don't live by their nose and sense of smell.  Hard to believe, but it is so true (I mean who would eat some of the awful things they eat if they could actually smell them?).  Because of this, they don't like their pillows to smell like their felines.  Another reason is they don't like the fur that is left behind.  I know that the fur makes the pillow much softer, but our pets just don't see that.  I have seen them time and time again removing the fur before going to sleep.  Sadly, they don't feel towards us as we feel towards them.  They pet good, give great toys and feed us well, but the sleeping as a family group is totally out of the question.  I guess that is something we will just have to live with.  

Signed Cocoa"

That darn red light.

"Dear Cocoa,

Help me, I'm addicted!  My pet recently brought this funny little metal contraption home.  Curious, I sniffed it and found it to be something I didn't want--until they turned this thing on!!!!  Suddenly a little red bug began to race around me in wide circles.  It raced up furniture and even ran across the ceiling several times.  I tried to ignore it, but it raced around me and then away from me and then back again.  Before I knew what I was doing I was chasing this thing everywhere.  The worst part, however, was when I caught it the thing just slid away from me and on the chase went.  Finally, exhausted, I tried to ignore it, but it is so tempting to chase that little bitty bug and do my very best to catch it.  Now, whenever that silly little metal contraption comes out, I find myself going crazy trying to catch it.  Can you help me?

Signed Exhausted by the Little Red Dot"

"Dear Exhausted by the Little Red Dot,

I know how tempting that little red dot can be; however, if you ever want to be free of its claws, you must run to a dark hole and hide until the little red dot is gone.  I warn you, this can be dangerously addictive and no feline is immune.  If you don't want to be chasing this thing for the remainder of your days (without catching it ever), then hide, hide, hide!  Don't look at the light!  Ignore it!  Use all of your will power and get away before it....catches....you....oh darn, now I'm hooked again.....Rotten Light-GET OUT OF HERE.  Sorry, got carried away.  I wish you all the luck in the world, my friend, that little light is hard to ignore.

Signed Cocoa"

A little one retaliates

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a new feline, born just a few weeks ago, and I haven't had much time with my mother because she ran off with the butcher before I was even fully weaned.  I spent a little time in a foster home where people fed me but didn't offer much comfort.  Then I was invited to live at the home of a very feline friendly pet and jumped at the chance.  But now, I wonder if I made the right decision.  You see, the pet has others that she invited in and they are big and well set in their ways.  They get angry when  our pet spends time with me and they beat me up when she isn't around.  Should I leave?  

Signed Tired of the pummeling"

"Dear Tired of the pummeling,

No, you should not leave the home, you should take advantage of the fact that you are still very young.  As a youngling, your pet will favor you above those who are well-established in the home.  When she is around, pounce on the others often in what appears to be play but is actually full-out assault.  If they hurt you, your pet will intervene.  When they go after you when you are alone, remind them of the mock-play and offer to be gentler if they stop attacking you when the pet is gone.  It may take a bit, but keep up the action (the more, the better) and soon all will quiet down and you will be allowed to live without further attacks.  You might even get the choice sleeping areas because the others will fear retaliation from the pet if they don't give in to you.  Once all is set, enjoy your new-found freedom for all it is worth.

Signed Cocoa"

The Haaleedays are coming.....

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Hans
With so much to do they forget
the felines.....

My housemate said you know everything, and I need to know something real bad.  You see my pets, who are usually very attentive to me and take great care to ensure I am well pampered, have begun to ignore me and seem to be lost in some type of frustrating, angry world.  I have tried to calm them down, but they pushed me away.  I have tried to offer my assistance, but they got angry.  I have even tried to distract them by playing, but they wouldn't even look in my direction.  Then my housemates and I realized this is something that happens every year at about this same time.  What could it be that would take their minds off of cute, adorable, cuddly me?

Signed Why are they distracted"

"Dear Why are they distracted,

During this particular time of the year our pets often become distracted and frustrated.  This is the time of the year when they are supposed to pamper their human companions (and, of course, still pamper us), which makes for a high level of stress.  This time of the year is known as the haaleedays, and no human is left unscathed during this time.  I suggest that you do your very best to remind your pets who is actually important in their lives, while understanding when they have reached their limit.  Once they have reached their limit, hide for a bit to let them calm down before you try it again.  Oh yes, this is also a great time for play because all new items are dragged out for our entertainment.  Just be careful not to get underfoot with them or your pets will get angry (they are soooo touchy this time of the year).  Enjoy you and your pets' haaleedays and be sure to share this information with others who may not realize the importance of this yearly occasion.  

Signed Cocoa"

What is the white stuff?

"Dear Cocoa,

What is the white stuff that flies about...

I don't usually read gossip columns, but my friend told me you could answer my question.  If you can, I will be an avid reader from this moment on.  So here it is:  I have been an inside cat all my life and I spend hours in the windows watching the world go by.  I have often seen white stuff floating tantalizingly close to the window but just beyond my reach.  I have wondered often what this stuff is and why I can see it but not play with it.  Can you help me?

Signed Wonders about the white stuff"

"Dear Wonders about the white stuff,

What you are seeing is dander.  Yes, I said dander.  The large felines of the world have been saving their dander all during the hot days and now they are shaking it off to allow the warm fur to grow and keep them warm.  You could play with it, I suppose, I have seen others do so; however, I would never stoop to such levels.  I mean really, why would I want to play with another feline's dander?  I have enough of my own to deal with.  I hope you will become a very avid reader of my column and I thank you for giving me a chance to answer your difficult question.

Signed Cocoa"

A Mini Pet........

"Dear Cocoa,

I live in a house with older felines and my pets just recently brought home a mini of themselves.  The mini cries a lot and smells really funny, but I like to cuddle with it because it is always so warm.  My bigger (and older) housemates are giving me a hard time about this.  They have begun to call this mini pet a 'baabbee' and they say it is the worst thing ever.  Whenever I try to cuddle with this mini they crawl all over me and bite and scratch me making the mini cry so that our pets remove us all from the mini and close the door on us.  What can I do to stop their behavior?

Signed Likes the Mini"

"Dear Likes the Mini,

PublicDomainPictures

The Mini pet is their kitten (or baabbee in human speak).  I also found them to be warm and comfortable.  Your housemates have never seen this type of kitten and so they, like all felines, are loathe to show their ignorance.  To fix this problem, challenge them.  Tell them that they each have to be brave enough to cuddle with the unusual kitten without hurting or waking it.  Once each of them has done this, they will be much more understanding towards your desires; however, they will also be fighting you for the position from that moment on.  Sorry I can't do much about that except to tell you to do your best to be first.  

Signed Cocoa"

Rumor has it that cats are dangerous to babies.  I would like to explain a bit about this.  Babies are warm and they smell of milk and comfort.  Cats are naturally drawn to this because it makes for good napping.  However, cats may lick the mouth of a baby but will not lay on the baby or smoother it (at least not purposely).  Cats, however, do shed and drop dander and that might be dangerous to babies who might be allergic.  Rather than assume your cat and your baby will be safe, introduce the baby to the kitty (and vice versa) slowly and keep an eye on the cat when he is near the baby.  Once a relationship has been established (and the baby hasn't had a reaction of any kind) then you can leave them together.  Older cats are more difficult to introduce to babies because they are always so set in their ways and don't like change.  

Humans and pets, are they the same?

"Dear Cocoa,

I know that we felines are far superior to the human race; however, my pets just don't seem to get it. They are constantly trying to get me to chase stupid strings or race about following that stupid red light.  I have to admit, sometimes it is good exercise, but all the time?????  I wonder if they really even understand the complexity of a feline.  Can you help me to understand them a bit better?  

Signed Not Sure"

"Dear Not Sure,

Sorry, I am just so proud of
this picture I couldn't
help showing it off again.

Sadly, no, I cannot help you in this situation.  Human's are several steps below the intelligent rating of felines and cannot climb any higher without a great deal of help.  I mean, come on, what race in their right mind would spend hours moving things around the house, upstairs and down, only to put all of those things back before the day is out?  Perhaps it is some strange ritual of theirs--I hear them say it is 'cleaning' which may be the ancient name of this weird ritual.  However, to make things easier, don't try to understand your humans, just enjoy their pampering of you and relax; at least your needs are taken care of, right?

Signed Cocoa"

Sleeping in cubbies....

“Dear Cocoa,

I just love my little cubbby-holes where I can curl up and get oh so warm; but my pets are always shooing me out.  What can I do to teach them to leave me alone when I get into those tiny spaces?  The warmth is sooooo good!

Signed Wants small cubbies back”

“Dear Wants small cubbies back,

Wasn't I cute back then?

I know what you mean.  Those small spaces are the most wonderful places ever.  You can curl up and get soooo warm because your body heats the place up so very nicely.  I had a bit of trouble myself when I was younger; however I learned that if you push your way in enough times, your pets will get the idea (be patient-they don’t learn very fast.  After a bit, they purchased me things I can curl up in.  I now have condos with tiny sleeping areas, covered beds with cushions and tenting, boxes filled with pillows, and even a little spot under the bed with a warming pad.  Don’t give up hope just yet.  Keep trying and keep showing them you want to stay in the warm place.  I hope they learn quickly for you,

Signed Cocoa”

A fur-ball is introduced

"Dear Cocoa,

I have been around for many years and I have been contented in my home with my pets to care for me.  However, last week my pets brought this tiny feline into the home and let it loose.  The stupid thing climbs all over me, bites my ears, and chases my tail.  I have tried to warn the thing to leave me alone, but the pets won't allow me to get rough with it.  What can I do?  I don't want this stupid fur-ball biting and scratching me, I want peace and quiet.  

Signed Hate the fur-ball,

Dear Hate the fur-ball,


I understand exactly where you are coming from; however, I can also see the fur-ball's side.  He needs to have the opportunity to wrestle with other felines so he can learn the prowess of being a feline.  Usually these things are taught by the mother, but sometimes the mother is indifferent or the fur-ball is taken away too soon.  Normally I would say go into a hole somewhere until the fur-ball wears itself out doing other things, but you need to be a true feline and step up to the plate.  This feline will never learn how to be a feline if no one teaches him; and, since you are the only one around, you are the chosen teacher.  Get out there and teach the guy how to be a true feline while he is young enough to learn--one thing, though, be sure the pets are not around when you get rough because they will be afraid you are hurting the fur-ball and will try to interfere.  Hope this helps,

Signed Cocoa"