Cat is having a tough time of it.

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Hans

I have been trying for several years now to acquire a permanent home with pets; however, they always toss me out shortly after I arrive and they don't invite me back in.  I can't figure out what I am doing wrong.  Can you help?  Here is a typical day for me in the last home I was in:  "I awoke late, as usual, and found a plate of sausages sitting on the table.  Assuming it was mine I pigged out.  Then, having to relieve myself and not finding a plot of grass anywhere, I went to the potted plants and did my thing; some fell on the floor, but what would they expect with such a small area.  I then tried to find a nice soft warm place to take a nap, but the only soft place I could find was the area where the humans sleep.  Well, I was King, right?  Suddenly the humans came racing up the stairs screaming and yelling.  They grabbed me by the scruff of my neck (how rude) and tossed me outside in the cold."

Signed Needing great assistance here"

"Dear Needing great assistance here,

I fear you have failed to recognize the lines that humans draw when they invite a feline into the home.  First, you shouldn't eat all of the sausages, save some for the humans.  Second, a plant is no place to relieve ones-self, use the bathtub or the rug in the living room.  Third, never lay on the humans bed until they have made it up all fancy so you can dig and adjust as you like it.  Fourth, if you are given a hard time about something, well, it is a small price to pay for free food, warmth and toys by complying with their rules, right?  Hope this helps in your next home.

Signed Cocoa"