"Dear Cocoa,
I am a large, pampered Persian with soft beds in every room of my house. My pets only feed me the best food and they give me lots and lots of pampering (oh I already said that didn't I?); anyway, recently they added a few things to my cat room and I was not sure what to do with them. You see, they put those funny rug covered things; four to be exact. I assumed they were there for me to get a bit of exercise (been putting on a few, you know how that is), but to my surprise they then brought in two complete strangers to (horrible-horrible) share my lovely home. How can I endure such an insult? Please help me, I am desperate.
Signed desperate (from above)"
"Dear desperate,
The best thing you can do right now is play dead (literally). Lay about the house with sad eyes and small sighs. Refuse to eat (unless they aren't looking). Refuse to play (except at night when they are sleeping). Most of all--refuse to purr: I know it will be hard for you but you must! You have to show your pets how unhappy these two strangers have made you. It won't be long before they get the message and the two strangers are history--unless they are babies in which case you may be stuck with them no matter what.
Signed Cocoa"
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