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Cocoa's Pet Blog

Cocoa the cat answers questions asked by other cats about the behavior of their 'pets'(humans, of course).

Saturday, March 29, 2014

UH OH, they went and got me a rope for my neck!

"Dear Cocoa,
Recently one of my pets came into my domain with a piece of cloth and silver.  And they actually put it on my neck.  I have done everything to try remove it with no success.  Please help me.
Signed Caught"
"Dear Caught,
I am sorry to hear about your dilemma; however it can be a blessing in disguise.  First of all, perhaps your pets feel you are so special that they wanted all of the other pets to know.  Second of all, they believe you to be so superior that you needed a crown; however a regular crown wouldn't stay.  And, when all else fails, become finicky such as refuse to eat, fall over when they place you on the floor or simply lay in your favorite bed and moan loudly.  Hope I have helped you, Signed Cocoa."

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Cocoa addresses moving

"Dear Cocoa,

I have been living in a total ..uh.. how can I put this---well it's not nice anyway.  My pets have decided to move!  Can you believe this?  I have been in this home, pampered to perfection, for many of my 9 lives and now I am being moved to a brand new location with new smells and new people and ..oh.. I don't know what I will do.  Can you give me any advice at all.  PS:  I am writing this from the back of a rolling cart with a roof and all I can say is  HELP!

Signed On the Go"

"Dear On the Go,

I sympathize with you and your situation.  Unfortunately, since we felines live so much longer than our pets, we often get moved around.  Sadly we can't even pick and choose once that happens.  You didn't say, but I assume your pets are moving and taking you with them.......  If that is the case, at least you will still be pampered--unless they add another just for the fun of it.  Be careful in this new place.  Take you time snooping around and checking out the scents.  And last, but not least, steal something of your pets and place it somewhere deep and dark.  When you feel overwhelmed, go to this dark place and rest; it will not only provide you with needed rest, but it will give you pets a scare when they try to find you.  If you are not going back to your pets, you might want to think about leaving and finding new pets on your own; we do, after all, have a much better instinct than they have, right?  Hope this helps,

Signed Cocoa"



Monday, June 3, 2013

What is that thing?

"Dear Cocoa,

I just wanted to send this as a warning to all of your reader's who are thinking of making a trek into the great unknown--I'm talking about the place through the front door!  I ventured there just two days ago (was it really only two days?); anyway, I ventured through and here is my story:
I loved chasing the leaves in the wind and chasing a butterfly till it flew too high for me.  I loved the chance of freedom, going where I wanted without anyone to yell "get off of there".  I loved the games I could play with the tiny rodents that roamed the yard.  I loved the chance to stalk a bug without someone coming by with a tissue to get rid of it before I had had my chance.  And I loved lying in the sun on a sun-warmed surface for hours.  Then it struck!  A creature so ugly that I couldn't help but blanch when it
approached.  Tail already fanned for a fight, the creature raced towards me so fast I didn't have time to fully rise to my feet.  The creatures gray fur blended so well into the hard surface that on occasion I lost the creature for a moment (and I have good eyes).  Then it stood before me teeth furiously working in its anger and tail twitching with pent up anger.  All I could think of was to run, which is exactly what I did.  
The creature, thank goodness, didn't follow, but now I can't get back into my nice safe home because the door is closed!  Please advise me, Cocoa, as I don't like the damp unknown under my nice safe home.

Signed Frightened"

"Dear Frightened,

I believe the creature you encountered in your outdoor trek is called a Quill.  Terrible creatures to be sure; however, they are not the sort to chase the likes of us because we tend to eat their young (well at least those
that remain wild do).  There you have at least a small advantage.  As for the problem of living under the safe home, you must sit before the door you raced out of and yowl with all your heart until one of your pets comes to let you back inside.  Hope this helps,

Signed Cocoa"

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Cocoa saves the day once more, well maybe...

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a large, pampered Persian with soft beds in every room of my house.  My pets only feed me the best food and they give me lots and lots of pampering (oh I already said that didn't I?); anyway, recently they added a few things to my cat room and I was not sure what to do with them.  You see, they put those funny rug covered things; four to be exact.  I assumed they were there for me to get a bit of exercise (been putting on a few, you know how that is), but to my surprise they then brought in two complete strangers to (horrible-horrible) share my lovely home.  How can I endure such an insult?  Please help me, I am desperate.

Signed desperate (from above)"

"Dear desperate,

The best thing you can do right now is play dead (literally).  Lay about the house with sad eyes and small sighs.  Refuse to eat (unless they aren't looking).  Refuse to play (except at night when they are sleeping).  Most of all--refuse to purr: I know it will be hard for you but you must!  You have to show your pets how unhappy these two strangers have made you.  It won't be long before they get the message and the two strangers are history--unless they are babies in which case you may be stuck with them no matter what.

Signed Cocoa"


Monday, April 22, 2013

Cocoa does it again!

"Dear Cocoa,

My pet has begun to do some very strange things that I cannot understand.  For instance, she has begun to leave ME alone while her and male walk out the door holding paws!  She also spends more time paying attention to him instead of ME!  What is going on?!?!?!?  Please help me, I miss my chewy snacks and my play time with my pet.

Signed Is She Forgetting Me?"

"Dear Is She Forgetting Me?,

I believe your pet is suffering from an illness called "mating".  Just like us felines, she is seeking her mate.  However, unlike us felines, humans do not seek mates only at certain times of the year and therefore they find it much more involved and ceremonious.  Don't worry, the moment will pass, as they always do, and your pet will be as loving and attentive as ever!

Signed Cocoa"

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Cocoa answers another question.....

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a bit embarrassed to ask this; but I don't know any other way.  You see my pet has a way of petting me that causes me to give in every time!  I can't fight it; I even purr!  Can you help me?  I need to reassert myself as an independent feline before I am past all hope!

Signed Nearly Past All Hope"

"Dear Nearly Past All Hope,

Hang onto your feline card, my friend, you have not lost your fight.  You see, the whole idea is to win
our pets over so they don't think we own them; when you give in to your pets, you make them think they are in charge and they tend to spoil you more.  So, sit (or lay) back, relax, and let your pet have their way.  Once they are done, you can get up and go assert your authority about other things.

Signed Cocoa"

Monday, March 25, 2013

New baby in the house

"Dear Cocoa,

I love reading your column and have gotten some excellent advice about everyday things; however, I now have a problem of my own that I was hoping you could fix.  You see, I am a 'well-rounded' feline with lots of experience years behind me.  Yesterday I was presented with an intruder in my home and I find that the intruder is pampered and fed more than me.  What's more, he has been given MY bed to sleep in!  I have told my pets time and again that this type of behavior is inexcusable; but, for some strange reason, they are not listening to me anymore.  The intruder is small and seems to be helpless so I could fight it for territory; however, I feel deep down inside, that my pets would not agree with that process.

Signed Hoping You Can Help"

"Dear Hoping You Can Help,

I fear you have been subjected to the 'new baby in the house syndrome'.  You see, when we felines get older we tend to want to sleep more and play less (thus our 'well-rounded' appearance).  This makes our pets upset because they love to play with us (of course they would).  Thinking that the problem is loneliness, our pets often decide to introduce another into the household.  If the new one was older, you could easily fight to exert your authority.  However, if the new one is a baby, well.........  Bear with your pets for a bit (a day or so ought to do the trick) and then they will grow tired of the baby's demands.  You can then begin to 'train' the little one as to the order and behavior expected from him.

Signed Cocoa"