A difficult question for Cocoa....

"Dear Cocoa,

My pets were drinking all sorts of different drinks during their holiday celebration; and I, being a normal feline, was checking them all out.  Most of them were the same things as usual--morning drink, mother drink, and the like.  But then I checked out a drink that was so horrendous it made my eyes water.  I quickly moved away to the next one, but it was the same.  Before long everyone in the room (except the babes for some reason) had one of these horrid smelling drinks.  I couldn't figure out what it was but I also couldn't figure out how they could bear to drink the awful smelling stuff.  Could you please explain?

Signed Watering Eyes"

"Dear Watering Eyes,

Yes, our pets have some awful habits, don't they?  The drink you describe is one of their worst.  It is a combination of liquids call 'aalkeehal'.  I was, at first, as confused as you are; however I have learned over the years that this aalkeehal is to them as 'cat nip' is to us.  It makes them crazy and sleepy.  I don't know why they wouldn't drink it all the time (I would have cat nip daily if I could however the smell might be the reason for them).  When the aalkeehal comes out, I find it best to seek out a warm cubby where they can't find me and I can sleep away their weird behavior.  Great Question, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

A cat's observance

"Dear Cocoa,

Yesterday (would be the wild day everyone was ripping open packages) I stood in the doorway and watched as my human pets ripped open all of the packages that had been meticulously wrapped days before.  I had a wonderful time playing with the balls of paper and chasing ribbons about, but I was still kinda curious as to why these silly pets carefully wrapped and then ripped open these packages.  Can you explain?

Signed Wondering"

"Dear Wondering,

I have been with humans for many years and have observed this same phenomenon every year at about the same time.  At first I thought it might be a ritual of celebration, but now I know the truth.  You see all humans have this insane desire to be violent.  Yes, this fact is sad but true.  In order to avoid being violent to those they love, they carry out this ritual once a year.  This allows them to take out their frustrations and bouts of violence while receiving something to calm them down when they are done.  Be content with playing with the aftermath and stay out of their way while they are performing.  

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa discusses outside/inside

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a very happy, inside-outside feline.  I am pampered while inside the house and can run with the pack while outside.  A recent incident (something I have often seen in the past and wondered about) reminded me of my question to you:  Why do some felines remain outside even in inclement weather? I, myself, race inside and cozy up to the heater or my pet; why don't they do the same?  Please answer my question, I know it isn't really all that important, but I would like to know.

Signed Curious"

"Dear Curious,

The simple answer to your questions is this:  many felines prefer the freedom of the outside environment.  Others are not lucky enough to acquire a pet family.  Even more prefer to remain out in the cold and wet so that their pet families will make more of them when they come home.  I, myself, prefer to remain indoors now since the constant change in temperature  caused my skin to itch as I grew and then lost extra fur.  However, I always say "to each his own".  Don't fret about what the others are doing; just enjoy what you are doing (unless of course you wish to try something new and then you can see how the others get along).  I hope this answers your question and satisfies your curiosity.

Signed Cocoa"

Medsins for the felines

"Dear Cocoa,

Recently my pets brought me to the man with the white coat because I wasn't feeling too good and I finally got them to understand that.  Anyway, the man with the white coat stuck me with pins and poked and prodded me until I thought I would puke on him.  I thought I was finally safe when my pets brought me home and I could curl up in my favorite bed; but I was wrong.  First thing in the morning they began stuffing this awful tasting stuff down my throat.  I fought valiantly, but they were three and I was only one so they won.  How can I prevent this from happening again?  PS:  what is that stuff they forced on me??????

Signed A Sick Cat"

"Dear A Sick Cat,

Sadly we do get sick now and then, even with our strong constitutions.  I suspect that you acquired something that causes the man in the white coat to have to treat you with a medsin.  For some horrible reason, the humans don't feel that our medsins should taste good to us and so they stuff it down our throats causing us to gag.  You are probably beginning to feel better and so don't need the medsin anymore.  I would fight with all I have---and hope the towels don't come out because we felines are helpless with a towel wrapped tight around us as I'm sure you are fully aware.  Don't give up, keep up the fight, don't let them win - if you can at all help it!  Good Luck!

Signed Cocoa"

Addicted to a toy?

"Dear Cocoa,

I have a serious problem that I can no longer deal with; you see, I am addicted to my stuffed skunk toy.  I have to have it with me wherever I go and when it goes underneath something I have to yowl until my pets get it out for me.  I can't face even one day without my tinkle ball.  Please help me!  I am at my wits end.

Signed Skunk"

"Dear Skunk,

I should be so lucky.  You do not have a problem, you have a wonderful situation!  It won't be long before your pets begin to bring you home lots and lots of skunk toys so that you will be able to have one in every spot you frequent.  I have one tinkle ball that I share with ten other felines along with a few of the skunk toys and such; however I would love to have one of my very own.  Enjoy your skunk toy and quit worrying about what it might mean.  After all, you are a feline and feline's are eccentric.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa answers the question about human pets rising late and staying home.

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a learned feline with plenty of experience and wild living under my collar; however, I am now the object of much pampering from a human pet I recently adopted.  The thing that confuses me is this:  For several days in a row, my pet will rise at the rising of the sun, feed me, eat, shower, etc. and then leave for the day allowing me to roam and play as I like.  I usually get a lot of my mischief out during that time because she is not around to stop me.  But then there are days that she sleeps late, feeds me real late (and I am famished by then), and stays home!  I can't frolic as I like, I can't sleep where I like, I can't even bathe in public.  Why is this?

Signed Frustrated"

"Dear Frustrated,

Your pet has to have some rest from her busy day of earning what is needed to keep you pampered.  She is taking her rest and easing herself back into the energy she will need to continue on with your life-style.  Don't fret the difference; instead climb under the covers with her and get your own break from the busy day of frolicking and such.  

Signed Cocoa"

Apology

I do apologize everyone, but the human who writes my blogs out for me has been in the hospital and those paws of mine are simply too big for the job.  As soon as she is well, she will start writing again, I have a lot for her to catch up on.

Signed Cocoa

Outside or in???????

"Dear Cocoa,

While I am one of the smartest felines I know, I have been wondering about something that, because I am outdoors and not indoors, I can't figure out.  Why do the cats that are indoors sit at the windows and ask me to get them out?  Are they really a prisoner?  Are they being tortured or something?  Should I break them out as they ask?  Please help.

Signed Is the Window a Prison"

"Dear Is the Window a Prison,

You are seeing that horrid monster called Feline Envy.  You see, the cats at the windows want to go out and enjoy the freedom that you enjoy, but they don't want to because they will lose the pampering they are getting.  You see, when inside they are fed, given toys and a warm place to sleep.  They are warm in the winter and cool in the summer.  They are more than content.  But the Wander Lust is still there and they envy your abilities to do just that.  Do not break them out, however, because they would not know how to live without the pampering.  Once pampered, always pampered.  

Signed Cocoa"

Is a fancy bed better?

"Dear Cocoa,

I guess my question is curiosity more than a need.  Here goes:  my friends often invite me into their pets homes to share food and play.  I have noticed that they have these fancy beds with fluff and covers and such; but when I tried them out they were hard and uncomfortable.  I have a great big basket that my pet put a big blanket in and I love it.  Is there something wrong with me because my friends all say it is too soft and uncomfortable for them?

Signed Soft Bed"

"Dear Soft Bed,

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, especially felines.  I also have several fancy beds and one that has a soft deep blanket in it.  I find I enjoy the different ones according to my moods.  Don't let your friends fool you into thinking you are wrong; however, don't think that after one try those fancy beds will never be comfortable for you.  Don't be afraid to try again.

Signed Cocoa"

Lack of fur

"Dear Cocoa,

I am a contented cat and have no issues that must be discussed.  I do, however, have a big question for you.  Why do humans shave off their hair and then put layers of cloth on themselves?  I love lying in my cat bed (found here) and getting all warm and cozy.  How can our pets do that when they don't have any fur on their bodies?  I hope you can answer this, but if you can't, I will understand.

Signed Curious about the lack of fur"

"Dear Curious about the lack of fur,

While I know that human pets are different from felines, I also know there are some things even I can't answer.  I fear this is one.  I do, however, have a few theories that I will share with you.  First:  Perhaps they feel that the cloth makes a better covering (don't see how, but you know how pets are). Second:  They get itchy with the fur in place (although when I have lost fur and it grows back I am more itchy than when I had the fur).  Third:  They want to be seen as different from felines (though why they would not want to be associated with a superior life-form is beyond me).  I'm sorry I couldn't do better with this one, but I hope you continue to write in.  In the meantime, I think I will do some more research on this subject.  Who knows, maybe I will discover the true reason and can pass it on to my readers.

Signed Cocoa"

Hooked....on cat nip?????

"Dear Cocoa,

I have a big problem and I am truly hoping you can help me out.  I live in a home with three pets who take care of my every need; however, they love to give me cat nip each night.  I don't know why, I only know I can't resist the stuff and I wake up every morning with a massive headache.  I have tried to pretend it isn't there, but they leave it all night long and I simply can't resist.  Please help me!

Signed Hangover"

"Dear Hangover,

I am a cat nip lover myself and I have often awoke with the the feeling of a hangover as well.  The trick is to wait until they are not around and then grab up as much cat nip as you can and go hide it in a secret stash located close to your favorite sleeping spot.  Build upon your stash every night while enjoying the remainder with gusto.  Once your stash is built, you can enjoy the cat nip without worry; and the next morning take a bit of your stash to kill the headache.  Hope this helps, 

Signed Cocoa"

Cats do love their cat nip very much, but it should not be given in large amounts or too often.  I give it during special occasions or when I need them sleepy for a vet visit.  If you find that your cat seeks out the cat nip a little too often, try putting some in an old sock and securely tying off the opening.  Toss this to you cat and watch them go crazy.  Replace the sock once the cat no longer seems interested in it.

A cage......

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Nemo

I have a question that I was hoping you could answer.  You see, I am new in the 'pet' life, having been an outside cat all of my young life, and wanted to know if this is normal.  My pets will put me in a large cage just before they leave.  I mean the cage is large and has everything I need except freedom.  Are they punishing me for being an outside cat?  Please explain this to me.

Signed Caged"

"Dear Caged,

Your pets are under the impression that they are in charge.  This is a concept that is totally unacceptable for felines.  Unfortunately, they rarely end this behavior no matter how well behaved you are.  If I were you I would begin to fight when they try to put you in the cage and at the very first opportunity that presents itself Get Out!  I hope all works out for you, my friend.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa has been around.

"Dear Cocoa,

My question is a bit personal, but I hope you are willing to answer it.  You see, I have been keeping up with your column ever since you put out your first one.  I love the answers you give to those of us who need help because they seem to be exactly what is needed.  My question is:  where did you get all of your incredible knowledge?

Signed Wondering"

"Dear Wondering,

I won't tell you how old I am; however, I have lived a few years and have been around.  I have lived on my own and in with pets.  I understand how things work and I know how humans think.  I have been in some pretty tight predicaments in my day and have managed to come out unscathed but much more knowledgeable than when I got into trouble.  Also, I take the time to observe.  I have spend hours and sometimes days just observing how humans and felines act and react to different situations.  The study is incredible.  Hmmm, perhaps I should write a book on the subject....oh, sorry, I got a little carried away.  Hope I have answered your question fully, Wondering.

Signed Cocoa"

Cats make wonderful loving pets and are one of the cleanest domesticated animals.  They love to play, climb, wrestle, eat, and sleep.  Many also love to go outside.  If your cat goes outside or is an outside cat, please be sure to keep them safe with flea and tick treatments (I use Advantage II from 1800petmeds.com); have them micro-chipped (your local vet can help you with this); and use breakaway collars in case the collar gets stuck somewhere.  Also, if you cat is outside for days at a time, don't put anything on their collar that makes noise because that will prevent them from being able to hunt for their food (the noise will alert their prey).  

Cat is having a tough time of it.

"Dear Cocoa,

Image by Hans

I have been trying for several years now to acquire a permanent home with pets; however, they always toss me out shortly after I arrive and they don't invite me back in.  I can't figure out what I am doing wrong.  Can you help?  Here is a typical day for me in the last home I was in:  "I awoke late, as usual, and found a plate of sausages sitting on the table.  Assuming it was mine I pigged out.  Then, having to relieve myself and not finding a plot of grass anywhere, I went to the potted plants and did my thing; some fell on the floor, but what would they expect with such a small area.  I then tried to find a nice soft warm place to take a nap, but the only soft place I could find was the area where the humans sleep.  Well, I was King, right?  Suddenly the humans came racing up the stairs screaming and yelling.  They grabbed me by the scruff of my neck (how rude) and tossed me outside in the cold."

Signed Needing great assistance here"

"Dear Needing great assistance here,

I fear you have failed to recognize the lines that humans draw when they invite a feline into the home.  First, you shouldn't eat all of the sausages, save some for the humans.  Second, a plant is no place to relieve ones-self, use the bathtub or the rug in the living room.  Third, never lay on the humans bed until they have made it up all fancy so you can dig and adjust as you like it.  Fourth, if you are given a hard time about something, well, it is a small price to pay for free food, warmth and toys by complying with their rules, right?  Hope this helps in your next home.

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa answers a confusing question.

"Dear Cocoa,

Who is right?

I never knew my real mom because she died right after I was born.  I was taken in by a human pet who fed me, loved me, kept me warm and safe.  Now, I am several years older and still remain with my human mother.  I can't help but refer to her as my mother since she is the one who cared for me.  Other felines from the neighborhood have been teasing me about calling her my mother.  Am I wrong, or are they?

Signed Mother Confusion"

"Dear Mother Confusion,

Felines don't usually consider the one who raised them as their mother, only as the one who raised them.  However many, and it seems you fit into this category, remain with their caregivers for many years.  The caregiver, however, usually becomes a simple feline mate after the need for care is done.  

Take heart, though, because the human caregivers do not fall into this category!  I was raised by a human caregiver myself and I consider her my human mother.  She is so wonderful to me that I can't help but love her back.  Therefore, though your acquaintances are right in the respect that the feline caregiver is not your 'mother'; they are wrong when they say that your human caregiver is not your 'mother'.  

Signed Cocoa"