Cocoa offers ideas from his readers--

“Dear Cocoa,

I have found a fun way to eat and I thought your readers might enjoy it as well.  My pets feed me the dry, flavorless, crunchy stuff that often gets stuck in my throat when I try to eat it.  I decided that it would be so much better if I were to get it soft or chase it about.  I decided to do both.  I drop several in my water dish (adding flavor to that as well) and then I break several up and chase them about the house before eating them like a caught insect.  By the time I am done, I have worked up a thirst, and what better way to douse it than with soft chewy morsels that I soaked in my water?  Loads of fun and satisfaction.  Hope your readers enjoy.

Signed Playing with my food”

“Dear Playing with my food,

A great idea!  Exercise, working up an appetite, and getting your fluids, I love it!  I am gladly printing this one for the pleasure and enjoyment of my readers.  And for all of you creative readers out there--send me your tricks for a happier, healthier you.

Signed Cocoa"

A tough day for writing

I am running out of ideas for my kitty blogs and with today's injuries, I am having trouble focusing.  Please, if you have any ideas I can use, either leave me a comment or you can e-mail me at cdsimonds@yahoo.com
Thank you,

Cocoa addresses a scary visit--

“Dear Cocoa,

I am a pleasingly plump feline enjoying my pets immensely; that is until yesterday.  Yesterday, my pets shoved me into this tiny box with holes and dragged me to a man with a white coat who stabbed me with a sharp thing and then poked and prodded me.  I hated it!  Now I feel ill and want to do nothing but sleep.  How can I prevent this from happening again?

Signed Didn’t like the guy with the coat”

“Dear Didn’t like the guy with the coat,

Image by PublicDomainPictures

I don’t blame you for not liking what happened to you.  I would not like it either.  The next time you see that tiny box with holes come out, find the deepest darkest hidey-hole you can find and stuff yourself as tight as possible into it.  If your pets still find you, be sure to swat with claws and scream a lot.  That will let them know you are angry and they will start to behave and leave you alone.  Good Luck!

Signed Cocoa”

Downfalls of outside

“Dear Cocoa,

I am an outside feline and very proud of it; however, I wanted to let some of your readers know the downfalls of being outside:  have to hunt for your food, have to find a dry place in the rain, have to stay warm in the winter, have to find water when thirsty, have to fight for your place, have to struggle to get places in the bad weather, and you are often unloved and hungry.  I hope you print this for all those felines who think being outside is the greatest but aren’t really strong enough to live through it.

Signed Strong and Loving it”

“Dear Strong and Loving it,

I am happy to print your letter so that my readers are aware of the difficulties of being outside.  Many of them have never had to fight for their survival and think the outside world is a huge playground with free food and drink.  Thank you for pointing out the hard parts.  Perhaps those who are not as adventurous will remain content inside (although, since I know the hearts of all felines--they will still try).

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses help for the little guy

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been struggling with this problem for some time now and can’t seem to succeed; so I thought you might be able to help me.  I am a small feline, smaller than my fellow felines, and because of this, I often loose out on some of the specials given by my pet.  I have tried to gain sympathy with the others in my home, but have failed miserably.  I can’t seem to win no matter what I do.  Can you help me?

Signed Keeps loosing”

“Dear Keeps loosing,

Image by PublicDomainPictures

You are going about this all wrong.  It is not the felines you have to gain sympathy from but your pets.  When the specials are handed out, sit on the outer edge and cry pitifully.  Your pet will take notice of the fact that you don’t have any and will give you your own special pile.  If this does not work (take heart because it usually does), try getting as close as possible to the pet and crying again, then reach up pitifully with one paw and look at them with those sad melting eyes.  They will respond at that point and you will get top billing from that moment on.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses the lighted boxes

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets have these weird boxes that have moving things on them.  I have tried to catch these things, but they have a shield or something that keeps me from actually touching them.  Is this some kind of magic that pets have?

Signed Is this Magic”

“Dear Is this Magic,

Yes, you are very clever, indeed, if you have figured this out on your own.  The boxes are a trick of our pets to attract our attention and keep us from doing the things that we love to do.  Don’t Look At The Boxes!  Your pets will use the boxes to hypnotize you and you will become their quiet docile feline who is no longer in charge.  Again, DO NOT LOOK AT THE BOXES!  I hope you receive this before your pets have succeeded in changing you.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses night vision

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets seem to have a disability that I can’t fix.  You see, they can’t seem to see in the dark.  I have tried to train them by placing things in their way, I have even lain down in front of them several times, but they just step on me.  Is this a hopeless cause?  Or is there hope for my beloved pets?

Signed Pets can’t see in the dark”

“Dear Pets can’t see in the dark,



On the stairs in the dark.....

Sadly, most pets do not use their abilities to see in the dark.  Their eyes will work, just like ours do, but they don’t use them.  You can keep up the training if you like; however, I don’t believe they will catch on.  I would continue the training, if I were you, simply because your pets will, eventually, learn to at least try to look for you to prevent harming you in any way.  Be sure to lay in the dark on the stairs, in front of the stairs, and in front of any area they frequent at night.  I wish the best of luck in your training.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses outside vs inside

“Dear Cocoa,

I am an outside cat and I absolutely love it!  I cannot understand any feline who Wants to stay inside the house.  There are no flying things to chase, no sun-warmed stones to lie on, no mice and small rodents to eat, and no trees to climb.  With all of that excitement, why would any feline want to hide inside? 

Signed Hates Inside”

“Dear Hates Inside,



Image by Nemo

I do understand your desire to remain outdoors and free; however, I have learned from long experience that the cold, wet, snowy, freezing weather with little food and water far out-weighs the playing and insect/rodent meals.  Inside, you are warm, can still lie in the sun, have food and water available year-round, and have plenty of toys to play with so you can stay in shape.  Plus, there are no enemies to stalk you and no loud, obnoxious machines to chase you around (well, with one exception but that item only comes out occasionally and just sucks up the dirt).  Hope I have helped you.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses strong smelling guests-

“Dear Cocoa,

I have an issue that I haven’t been able to fix and I was hoping you could help me.  You see, my pets often invite people into our home; most of whom like cats.  However, there is this one male who has a very strong biting smell that makes my eyes water.  He comes in, smells up the whole house and then, to make matters much worse, he keeps trying to pick me up.  I have let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I do not want to be picked up by him, but he keeps trying anyway.  I don’t want to hurt him badly, but I can’t seem to get my message across.  Is serious injury the only answer?

Signed Hate that Male”

“Dear Hate that Male,

Ohh, those pets of ours really don’t understand the feline ways, do they?  In such a situation, you will have to get really forceful.  Whenever he reaches for you, swat with claws.  Whenever he manages to pick you up, scream like he is ripping you apart.  Whenever he draws near, race away like you were in danger.  And lastly, find a good hiding place where even your pets can’t find you and when that male guest gets grabby go hide there and don’t come out until you can’t smell him anymore.  Good Luck to you!

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses the alarm clock

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been working hard to save my pet from this creature that sits beside her bed all day long and all night long without moving or making a sound; but early in the morning this thing screams and screeches so loud it could wake a sleeping feline.  I have sat on it, shoved it off the table, and even laid on it with no success.  Can you help me with this issue?  My poor pet is awakened before the sun has even woke up and I feel so bad for her.  Thank you,

Signed Protecting my Pet”

“Dear Protecting my Pet,

Image by Nemo

Sadly, I fear you are working against a lost cause.  That creature you speak of is called a waker-upper and is actually there by your pet’s request.  The waker-upper needs little food and no water.  He/she/it sits all day and night in silence without moving or twitching.  Then, at the designated time, it screams loudly.  There is nothing you can do to stop that scream unless you can turn it off.  To do this, you must shove it off of the table where it sits and bury it far, far away from your pet’s bed.  Then it will go off a few times and then simply shut off because no one is there for it to wake up.  Good luck!

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses angry pets

“Dear Cocoa,

I am writing this letter to you from the cold, wet, dreary outside.  I am hiding under some big thing that roars to life every now and then to try to stay dry.  I am cold, hungry, and frightened.  Two days ago I was warm, dry, well-fed and pampered; but then my pets decided they were in control and tossed me out when I tried to share their meal.  What can I do to get back into my home where it is warm, dry, and comfy?

Signed Cold and Wet”

“Dear Cold and Wet,



Brrrrrrrrr

Ohhhh, you do have a problem, don’t you?  Pets will, on occasion, feel they are superior and try to rule your life.  When this happens, trying to force your way back in just makes them feel their superiority much more.  Instead, ply on their sympathies.  Sit on the step or in the window, somewhere they can see you.  Make sure you are soaking wet and look pitiful.  Cry and tap the window often.  Lie down in the rain and keep looking inside.  It won’t be long before your pets will reconsider and let you back into their home.

PS:  if this doesn’t work by the time the sun goes to sleep, you might want to find a warm hidey-hole and reconsider if you want these people for your pets.  Anyone who doesn’t let their lord and master in out of the wet and cold doesn’t really deserve us, don’t you think?

Signed Cocoa”

A difficult play issue--

“Dear Cocoa,

I love my play time so very much; but my pets are not into the playing.  They toss things onto the floor quite often, but when I try to play with them, they yell and snatch them away.  Is this some kind of game I’m supposed to know about?  Or is this their way of torturing me?  Please explain.

Signed Needs an Explanation”

“Dear Needs an Explanation,

Your pets have definitely challenged you to a battle of speed and endurance.  They are purposely dropping things that are fun to eat or play with onto the floor and the challenge is to see who can grab the item and get it out of the way faster.  I know that you, as a feline, can snatch that item before it even hits the floor and can be in another part of the house with it before your pets even realize the item is gone.  Don’t give up on this.  Practice, practice, practice.  Before long you will be faster than any of your pets and you will win the contest.  Of course, then you will have to create another game, but I have faith that you will succeed in that aspect with ease.  Have fun!

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses helping pets--

“Dear Cocoa,

I have two older pets that have been taking care of me since my accident.  They are wonderful humans and I have begun to care for them (I know bad but what can I do?).  Lately, I have noticed that they seem to need a lot of help getting things done.  For instance, they can’t seem to keep the water bowl full, so I began sharing their drinks so they wouldn’t have to, but they didn’t seem to like that.  Anyway, I have been trying to do other things for them as well, but they keep getting angry and don’t seem to want my help (like today when I warmed up their pillows for them, you might have thought I planned to keep them or something).  Please advise me.

Signed What to Do”

“Dear What to Do,

Your pets are obviously not used to having helpful cats around them.  Don’t give up; eventually they will get the idea and will allow you to help them.  Right now they probably believe that you are trying to take over (you did that when you first arrived, I’m sure).  So, just keep plodding along (drinking with them, eating with them, sleeping with them and keeping their bed and chairs warm-that sort of thing).  They will begin to understand that you are helping them and all will be much better.  It won’t take too long since pets are, well, not quite as intelligent as we felines (I am trying to be nice).

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa really has the answers--

“Dear Cocoa,

How is it that you know all the answers?  You are, after all, just another feline like the rest of us.  I don’t know anyone around here who knows ALL the answers so how can you?

Signed A Skeptic”

“Dear A Skeptic,

I am the one and only Cocoa.  I know all; I see all; I do all; and I am all!  How could you doubt me?  In fact, I can tell by your letter that you are having trouble with your mental facilities.  To cure this you should spend as much time as possible with your human pets (this will make you feel much smarter and you will then gain back your feline wits). 

Signed Cocoa

Cocoa addresses pet's sleeping habits--

“Dear Cocoa,

I am a very educated feline and I am very proud of my heritage and training; however, a question keeps popping up in my mind and I can’t seem to figure out the answer.  I thought you might be able to guide me in the right direction since all of your advice (so far) has been impeccable.  Here is the issue to which I refer:  my pets, though absolutely wonderful when it comes to pampering me, won’t stay asleep long enough for me to get a good, deep, nap.  They are up with the sun and usually don’t go to sleep until the sun has been sleeping for hours.  Is this normal for pets?  Or should I be worried that my pets will wear themselves out and I’ll need another set?  Please advise.

Signed Worried about their sleep”

“Dear Worried about their sleep,

Pets are strange creatures that will often surprise us and usually confuse us deeply.  Pets move about way too much to be able to sleep much since they always have their systems on ‘full-throttle’.  Sadly, this does mean that they will burn out quickly.  To assist them in getting their much needed sleep, climb onto their chests while they are lying down and refuse to move; climb onto them while they are watching the moving picture box and refuse to move; jump on them when they walk by and grab a tight hold while purring; you can even climb onto them while they are grabbing a snack so they will sit longer.  Do everything in your power to keep them still or you will be searching for new pets a lot sooner than you thought!

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses bugs--

“Dear Cocoa,



Image by Nemo and
can be found on Pixabay

I am a well-seasoned veteran feline and I have learned a lot through-out my long life.  However, one thing I have never been able to understand is my pet’s aversion to insects.  Insects are the very best fun and they make a great meal.  I mean what other food can you find that leads you on an incredible chase through curtains, windows, bedding, carpeting, etc. which ends with a delectable meal fit for a king/queen?  My pets will chase the bugs down and kill them before I can and then….horror of horrors, they pick it up and toss it in a spot where I can’t get to it!  Can you explain this to me?

Signed Bugless”

Dear Bugless,

Your pets love to chase the bugs as much as you do and they will stop at nothing to be first.  Then they take the bugs to their special place so you can’t eat them because it was their catch.  You must pay strict attention and be the first on the scene when bugs appear.  Climb on whatever you must to reach them.  Get on the cabinets, the bureaus, the curtains, even the stove if you must but be faster than your pets.  And remember, they will cheat by pushing you aside or picking you up so be prepared to race right back in there for your fair catch.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses yarn--

© Cheryl Simonds

“Dear Cocoa,

© Cheryl Simonds

My pet is a wonderful person who cares for my every need; however, she has one quirk that I can’t seem to break.  She uses that fluffy stuff that comes in fun rolling balls or big fun-to-play-with clumps all the time.  I used to have a great time playing with them as she twitched and bounced them for my entertainment.  Now, however, she has begun to store them in containers that allow me to see them but not play with them.  Why is she dangling them for me but keeping them in containers I can’t get into?  Please explain.

Signed Can’t Play”

“Dear Can’t Play,

Your pet has challenged you.  She wants to see how clever you are.  Don’t give up now.  There is a way to get into that container and pull out the fun toys it holds.  Jump at it; knock it over; reach inside; or grab the stuff coming out of the top and run off as fast as you can.  Once you have it, don’t let go!  It will be an afternoon of fun for you as your pet tries to get the fluff away from you while you race all over the house knotting it up.  Have fun!

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses a young cat's fears--

“Dear Cocoa,

I am one of four born to my mother only recently--picture enclosed--and wanted to know why I had to leave my mother so soon.  One day I was happy and warm with cuddles and welcoming licks and that wonderful warm milk.  The next day, I was in a strange place, no mother, no siblings, and no familiar surroundings.  I’m very scared and I want my mother back.  Can you help me?

Signed Want My Mommy”

“Dear Want My Mommy,

I am sorry to be harsh, but you must grow up!  Your mother can’t be with you forever; she has other babies to bear and territories to protect.  Once you can survive without her, it is generally best that you leave.  It sounds like you did not have to undergo the painful separation process with you mother still around, so you have been favored in that respect.  Now, get out there; be the feline that I know is in you; explore your surroundings; begin training your pets; and take over every spot in the house (marking it with your scent) so they know it is yours.  Oh, and by the way, your pets give great cuddles and pets so don’t hesitate to find one you favor.  Just one more thing before I go--you will soon be all grown up and will be the king/queen of your house; don’t let your pets forget it!

Signed Cocoa”

Remember to be kind and understanding with your cat the first few weeks you have them.  Allow them a chance to get to know you and their new surroundings.  Make sure they know where the food and litter boxes are, and make sure they get plenty of love. 

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been wondering why I keep having trouble with my sleeping.  I exercise all night long, I race around in the morning to greet my pets, and I have all I can eat and drink; yet I can’t sleep.  I tried on the bed, but it is lumpy.  I tried on the floor but it is too cold.  I tried on the furniture but it is too rough.  I tried on the window sill, but it is difficult to get comfortable with all those hard cold things poking up.  I even tried on the heater of the portable pond my pets keep for my fishing pleasure; but I fell in and the fish laughed at me.  Now what do I do?

Signed Tired”

“Dear Tired,

I think you are suffering from over-activitis.  Try slowing down.  The slower you move, the longer it will take for you to get things done; and the more tired you will become.  Then the lumps, bumps, and groves won’t bother you as much.  As for the portable pond, I think you should practice your balancing technique because you should be able to fish, eat, and sleep without incident.  Also, and this is the absolute most important thing, make sure you are touching, lying on, or sitting on your pet at all times.  That’s right, the more contact you have with your pet the more tired you will become (because it takes a lot to keep in contact with them when they are moving about).  Also, be sure to get in their way when they are doing things because this will invariably get you pets which will calm you down and make you sleepy.  I hope you are successful!

Signed Cocoa”

Video by

Zachery 1960 and can be found on YouTube

Cocoa addresses the funny way some pets play:

 “Dear Cocoa,

I have been trying to figure out why my pets are constantly sitting at this funny table tapping on a funny board while watching pictures and such move across a large screen in front of them.  I watched and pondered and couldn’t figure it out.  I even tried my hand at it myself but I couldn’t get anything to show up on the screen (the paper beneath me, though, was fun).  All I can figure is that they are performing some type of playing????????  Please tell me as I can’t help being curious about such things.

Signed Curious”

“Dear Curious,

I have checked out this phenomenon for myself on several occasions and have come to the conclusion that this is how our pets amuse themselves.  Ever see them holding a small box and tapping away; or when they sit talk on that tiny boxy they always have with them?  It is nothing to worry about; however, if it becomes a nuisance, you know what to do, right?  Sit in front of, or on, the screen and do your best to distract them anyway you can.  I suggest a bit of purring and gently tapping on the face or hand.  This is usually a sure-fire way to get them to pay attention to you and not the screen.  Great Question, thanks for asking it.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses no pet attention.

Cocoa knows all!

“Dear Cocoa,

What am I to do?  My pets give me plenty of food and water.  They have toys everywhere for me to play with.  They even have several condos for me to climb into for a good nap.  They don’t, however, play with me.  In fact the only time I can even get close to them is when they are sleeping in their beds and I can curl up beside them.  What am I to do?  (Sorry, I know I asked that once, but I really need to know.)

Signed Lonely”

“Dear Lonely,



This one has the right idea---

Are you a cat or a shadow?  You are experiencing what every cat experiences once in awhile: your pets are occupied with things that are taking their attention away from you.  But you are not a shadow that can be ignored.  When they are on the computer, sit in front of their screen.  If that doesn’t work, crawl onto the keyboard.  When they are watching TV, crawl into their lap and pat their face.  If that doesn’t work, sit on their remote control.  When they are getting ready for bed, climb onto their pillow and curl up.  If that doesn’t work, then wait till they lay down and crawl onto their chest, or better yet, their face.  When they are getting food ready, race between their legs while crying piteously and gently paw their legs when they sit down to eat.  You can even jump onto their lap and pat at the dish.  If these don’t work for you, you can always use the tried and true (deposit gifts on their furniture-especially the bed).  If you have to do that, however, you should hide immediately afterwards and sleep a bit.  Whatever you do, make it loud, make it obnoxious, make it un-ignorable, and make it work.

Signed Cocoa”



Cocoa addresses outside,

“Dear Cocoa,

I don’t have a problem with my pets, they are great!  But I was wondering about something and I hoped that you might have an answer for me.  You see I have many outside friends who come to visit me at the window.  They talk about happiness and how they are soooo happy outside and how I must be wishing I was out there with them.  I like it where I am.  Should I want to go outside?  Is that what happiness is all about?  I am quite confused by all of this.  Please help.

Signed Wondering about Happiness”

“Dear Wondering about Happiness,

Your friends are trying to confuse you.  Happiness is not outside.  Happiness is a full belly, a warm bed, and a lot of sleep.  They don’t have that while outside and they are jealous of you.  Then next time they talk to you of the outside and happiness in the same sentence, look at them like they have three heads and race off (well as off as you can get anyway).  Oh, and one more thing-outside can have terrible mental affects on a feline.  Don’t go out unless you have to and don’t want out ever (unless you want to, that is, to make your pets work harder for you).  PS:  See what I mean? 

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa is caught in a conspiracy????? Or is it an innocent talk?

Cocoa receives hundreds of letters everyday from felines around the world seeking his advice.  He is the top ranked information source for felines everywhere.  He knows all, sees all, and does all; but, wait, what is this?  Is Cocoa actually getting advice from another source?  Is he a fake?  Is he a fraud?  The guilty looks say yes.  How horrid, how despicable, how……..Oops, Cocoa seems to have been having a private consultation with Salty over an issue Salty has been trying to resolve for some weeks now.  Sorry, Cocoa, we ASSUMED and put our foot in out mouth; or did we? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Keep your cats healthy and active by providing them things to do (and perhaps a companion that you can acquire from the Humane Society or local cat shelter) while you are away from the house.  Your cat will thank you for it. 



Cocoa addresses a baby:

“Dear Cocoa,

I very much enjoy reading your blog and have gotten a great deal of information from it.  I didn’t think I would ever be writing you, but here goes.  My pets, wonderful humans, brought a screaming mini of themselves home about a year ago.  The mini smelled somewhat like them and stayed in one place so I wasn’t worried.  Now, however, the mini is running around like a young feline and jumping on me, pulling my tail, even occasionally taking my food!  What can I do to protect myself?  I don’t want to hurt the mini, but I am getting desperate (and hungry).  Please help me.

Signed Desperate and Hungry”

“Dear Desperate and Hungry,

Your pets have brought home a young kitten, as I am sure you have figured out, and like all young kittens, this one will slowly grow up.  The mini is discovering its world like all new ones and is still not quite strong enough to do it all.  Swat it like you would any kitten (with no claws) and move out of the way.  Keep an especial eye on your food and screech whenever you see the mini over there.  Remember, your pets don’t eat what you eat and they won’t want their mini to eat it either.  Also, try to sleep in out of the way places so the mini won’t find you while you are napping.  I hope this helps, but I will warn you, before long that mini won’t be mini anymore and you will have another pet on your hands to train up in proper fashion.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses a visit to the vit (vet).

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been jailed and I don’t know how to break free.  All I can do in the tiny space is lay down.  I don’t have food, water, or a refuse area.  I have tried using my paws to work the catch, but they caught me and put a tie on it that I can’t break.  Help me please!  How do I get out of this horrible cage?  Oh no, the cage is moving.  I am heading to the outside world.  I am….ahhhhhhh! 

I am back from the horrors of the cage, Cocoa, and I thought I would warn your readers about my experiences.  I was stuffed into a cage; dragged-cage and all-into the cold outside world; stuffed into a giant vacuum cleaner which roared to life with me in it; dragged into a scary building with smells of blood and terror; and then, I was stabbed by a man in a white coat who tried to pretend he was my friend by petting me.  I showed him, I bit him hard enough to draw blood and my pet had to force my jaw open to get his hand out. 

Now, thank the feline watchers above, I am home and recovering from the horrible shock and pain of my frightening experience.  I feel ill and I can’t seem to move much.  I have been sleeping since I got back.  Please Cocoa, WARN your readers to avoid the cage at all costs!

Signed Horrible Experience”

“Dear Horrible Experience,

You are one of thousands of animals that is forced to a man called a vit.  He stabs us with sharp, nasty pointed things and pokes us and prods us till we really do want to bite him.  The cage is just a preliminary action to going to see this awful man. 

But you can fight back!  Let your pets know you are not happy with that trip by immediately curling up on their pillow (yours but they claim it) and sleep until you feel the need to relieve yourself.  Then you can do it right there and race off to hide in a cozy cubby for the remainder of the day.  If that doesn’t help, then when you find yourself in that tiny little frightening cage, be sure to yowl as loud and as much as you can to let them know you want out.  Bite the awful man and scratch him as much as possible.  And be sure to scratch and bite your pets to let them know you are mad.  This will usually hurry the visit along and end it that much faster.  I know you were frightened, and I must warn you that the next time that cage comes out you should hide in the deepest, darkest hole you can find and don’t come out until your pets have left the house.

Good Luck,

Signed Cocoa”

Cats, like all mammals, need to go to the vet at least once a year to ensure all is going well for them and to update their shots.  A carrier, similar to this one from Petco, (shown below) is ideal for carrying your cat safely.



Produce 11914 from Petco

Cocoa is surprised by this letter.

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been in many homes during my life, and I have found that the best place for me to bed down at night is my own cuddly, cozy, covered bed.  Does this make me strange, or is this normal for cats?

Signed Likes to Sleep Alone”

“Dear Likes to Sleep Alone,

ARE YOU NUTS?  Sorry, I was just blown away by your letter.  You see, cats do like those cozy, tight, easy-to-warm places where they can curl up and sleep the day away; however, you should have the biggest bed in the house as your night-time bed.  You can share it with your pets (most of us do), but the bed should really be yours.  So, get yourself together, grow up, become the responsible feline that I know you are and take over that bed you are presently letting your pets sleep on!  Make sure they know it is yours by sleeping on the pillows and leaving your toys there.  When they try to move you off, make sure you let them know that the behavior is totally not acceptable.  And, after they are asleep, be sure to wake them up by racing across them as you play to tire yourself out.  Be strong, my friend, I know you have it in you ( because you are a feline and Felines Rule). 

Signed Cocoa"

Cocoa addresses elderly felines.

“Dear Cocoa,

I am an older feline and my stamina is not what it was; and as a smart feline, I know this makes me a candidate to be abandoned.  My pets, however, feel differently and they are still caring for me-how wonderful is that?  The problem I have, though perhaps minor to many, is that my pets insist that I continue to play with them.  They toss things at me, run that irritating red dot around me, and swing strings above my head.  Normally I would jump at the chance to tone myself up and have a grand time doing it; however, I am old and tired.  All I really want to do is sleep.  How can I get them to leave me alone?

Signed Bugged by Pets”

“Dear Bugged by Pets,

Your pets are trying to keep you active because they believe it is the best thing for you.  Don’t fall for it!  You have earned the right to sleep and rest in your old age and they have no right to take that away from you.  If they insist on continuing your care, then they should understand what that takes.  If they won’t stop, you can try a few tricks to set them right.  You could, for instance, pee on their bed several times in a pretext of being too tired to reach the litter box.  Or you could find a hidy-hole that they can’t get to and when they begin their silly antics, go hide in it and take your well deserved nap.  Or, for even more emphasis, you could actually play with them for a little and then fall to your side panting and gasping for breath.  This will bring them immediately to your side in deep concern for your well-being.  I caution you not to use this one except as a last resort, however, because they will inevitably drag you to the people with funny coats.  None of us wants to go there unless it is truly an emergency.  Good Luck in your endeavors with your pets.  And just so you know, I would opt for the hidy-hole.

Signed Cocoa”

Older cats can develop many physical issues that can cause them to have accidents where ever they may be lying such as urinary crystals.  Be sure to take your cat to the vet if such accidents occur.  If you have older cats, try purchasing food that is specially formulated for prevention of urinary crystals.  Petco has a great variety and they deliver to your door.

Cocoa addresses swimming

 “Dear Cocoa,

My pets are the greatest things.  They recently took me out into the wide woods and let me run around and play all day long.  I loved it.  However, about half-way through each day, they would take me to a place where water ran freely and I was happy to drink from the cool water; but my pets then surprised me by actually jumping into the water!  They splashed each other, raced around on these funny looking boards and actually went under the water several times.  I tried to stop the little one from going in, but I was ignored and the little one raced in with the others.  Then, giggling and laughing, they climbed out of the water and sat on towels petting me.  I took my time ensuring that they were okay, but the next day, they did it again!  What is this?  How do I prevent them from doing this dangerous thing?  Help me, please.  I fear I will be losing my pets to this horrible thing.

Signed Frightened”

“Dear Frightened,

© Cheryl Simonds

Be easy.  Your pets are performing an unusual ritual that many perform in the giant water bowl at home.  They are perfectly safe because they know how to do it, and, brace yourself now, they like to do it.  All I can say is occupy yourself with something else while they are in the water.  For instance, you could drag their towels around and be sure to get them very wet so they won’t know the difference when they come out.  Or you could do your business right next to their towels and cover it just enough to hide it.  That way they can step in it before they reach their towels.  Another thing you can do is to make sure that you ignore them when they come out.  Be sure to let them know, in no uncertain terms, that you are angry with their behavior.  They might not get the hints, but at least you will be doing something.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses pets that are always away.

“Dear Cocoa,

I am a very lonely feline.  My pets are great, when they are home; but they are rarely home.  They come home for a day or two and then, whoosh, they are gone again.  I spend days in this dark lonely box all alone.  Someone comes in once a day to feed me and change my water, but they aren’t anything like my pets and I don’t even get a cuddle or a kind word from them.  I have things to play with, but then you can only play with them for so long, you know?  What can I do to convince my pets to allow me a playmate or to stay home more?

Signed Lonely”

“Dear Lonely,

I have seen cases like this before.  Felines must have lots and lots of company in order to be content.  Here is a list of things that might help.  The more you do, the better your result.  First, that feeder has got to go.  When they come in, hide in a relatively easy for them to see spot and don’t move.  Look like you are half dead.  When they approach, just remain limp and maybe open an eye for a second.  This will tell your pets that you are depressed and need help. 

Next, when your pets are packing (you always know because those big bags come out) climb into everything.  Crawl under the clothes and play with the rolled socks, etc.  Really get into it (besides it’s fun).  When they come home, don’t leave them alone for a moment.  Stay under their feet, plead with them for attention, climb on their laps continuously, whatever they are doing, be there!  After a few episodes of this, your pets will realize that you miss them when they are gone much more than they thought.  They will either get you a friend, or they will stay home more.  Hope this helps.  Good Luck in your endeavors. Oh yes, almost forgot, make sure you bring all of your toys into their bedroom and leave them on their pillows for emphasis; and MISS the litterbox often.

Signed Cocoa.”

Animals of all sorts need to have companionship and lots of attention from their owners.  Try not to leave your pets alone too often.  If you must leave them, try placing them in a pet resort where the people will spend time with them and pamper them while you are away.  Or try a pet sitter.  The internet has many listing for that service, but sometimes a loving family member or friend is best.