Today Cocoa wanted to share some incite with his readers:

Today I would like to talk about some things that you really shouldn't do with felines.  

First, don't pick up a feline right after they have eaten because they will upchuck on you.  

Second, don't pet a feline when they are trying to clean, you will increase their cleaning time three fold because they will have to clean where you petted.  

Third, don't tell a feline what they can  and cannot do, just like a small child that will be the one thing they make sure they do.  

And fourth, don't put a flea collar on your feline especially if they go outside, not only does the flea collar become a choking hazard, but the fleas like to use it as a roof over their heads.  

Today's information has been brought to you by Cocoa and Cocoa's pet blog.  Come share the fun!

“Dear Cocoa,

I live in a home with several other animals.  I love my pets, they are very good to me; however, they are always giving special treats to the other animals--food from their plates, toys to play with, nice beds to sleep on, but I am sent outside during the coldest part of the night with no treats, no toys and no warm bed to sleep on.  What can I do? 

Signed Getting Cold at Night”

“Dear Cold at Night,

Your pets are under the severe misunderstanding that cats are totally self-sufficient (I mean I know we are, but we would rather have everything given to us, right).  So make them believe that you are not as self-sufficient as they think.  When they let you in from the cold night, race to the heater vent to ‘get warm’ or race to the food bowl and wolf down several bites as if you were starving.  Allow yourself to get really dirty (hard, I know, but worth it) so that you look as though you are pitiful and need a lot of help.  Sit on their doorstep after they let you outside for the night and yowl in the hopes they will let you back in.  And this is the most important one--make sure you show them plenty of love and affection whenever you are in their company.  This will make them feel bad that they were treating you so horrid and they will begin pampering you like the other animals in the house.  Good Luck!

Signed Cocoa"

Your cat will love this cat bed from Wayfair....It will keep them nice and warm during those cold winter nights.

“Dear Cocoa,

How do I find a loving family of pets where I can live in the lap of luxury without a care in the world?

Signed Lonely”

“Dear Lonely,

There are tons of people out there who will melt at the sad look in a cat’s eye; and there are many who will leave food out and melt when you come running to them to eat it; however, the one thing that no one can ignore is an injured feline.  Limp on one paw, lift a paw high and refuse to use it, walk without energy, get into a real knock-down drag out with the neighborhood ruffian so that you look bloody or crawl under a vehicle until you are covered in axle grease then sit on their step and cry pitifully.  Hope this helps,

Signed Cocoa,”

Sadly, many cats suffer from injuries that infect or diseases that kill because they have not been properly cared for and are left outside to fend for themselves.  If you see an injured cat, or any injured animal, please call animal control or the Humane Society to try to get them help.  Don't ignore them, they feel pain too.  

The awful stuff our pets make us swallow....

“Dear Cocoa,

When I first came to this home, my pets were already caring for several felines and I was quickly welcomed to the group.  I love it here.  My pets are loving and they give great pets!  However, the other day they started doing something to one of our family and now I am petrified that they will do it to all of us, and there is no fighting back.  The oldest of us, I’ll call him Ralph, was scooped up unceremoniously and tightly wrapped in a thick towel.  Then our male pet grabbed his mouth and forced it open while our female pet stuffed something down his throat.  Afterwards I asked Ralph how he felt and he said he hurt all over and the stuff was horrible tasting; so bad that he couldn’t get it out of his mouth.  They have done this to him every day since; are the rest of us in trouble?  Why are they doing this horrible thing to Ralph?  Please help us……

Signed Scared”

“Dear Scared,

Sadly, I can’t help you with this issue.  The towel/blanket is our downfall since we cannot break through it without hurting ourselves; it seems your pets have discovered this secret weapon against felines.  As for the thing that was stuffed down Ralph’s throat, I doubt it will harm him, since I assume he is still alive after several days of this stuff; however, not knowing what it is that they are giving him, I can’t guide you in this.  If I were you, I would hide every time a towel or blanket comes out.  Tell the others to do the same.  Each of you find the deepest darkest hiding place you can and stay there until the towel or blanket gets put away.  If your pets begin giving the stuff to all of you, you might want to slip out quietly (or race out quickly) and find another home of pets to live with.  Good Luck.

Signed Cocoa,”

“Dear Cocoa,

I always wondered about this and I thought you might be able to help.  Are pets actually stupid?  Or are they just antsy and un-feline-like?  My pets will run around the house and outside the house all day long without a single nap and then they curl up in a nice warm bed and sleep for a few hours and do it all over again.  I’m worried that they may be hurting themselves by not taking the usual early, mid-morning, late-morning, after-lunch, early afternoon, mid-afternoon, late-afternoon, and after-dinner naps that are so important to us felines.  Please advise. 

Signed Needs Advice”

“Dear Needs Advice,

I understand your concern, my friend, but pets are not felines and that is the simple truth.  Pets will run and run until they just can’t anymore; then they will rest for a short period (usually with something loud roaring at them) and then they are off again--sort of like the baby feline that can’t seem to stop moving.  Don’t worry, this is normal for them which is what makes them such wonderful pets because they take care of our needs even when we are sleeping. 

Signed Cocoa”

Cats truly do enjoy a lot of naps which seems to increase their energy three-fold.  This can be both amusing and tiring to us humans who can't gain refreshment from a 20 second power nap. Be sure to watch your cats carefully for signs of sleeping without the energy rush afterwards.  If you cat is sleeping most of the time and not very active, it could be a sign of illness.  Check with the Humane Society or your local vet for advice and possible treatment.

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets are really good to me:  they feed me well; give me a warm soft bed to sleep on; have a shelf so I can sleep in the sun; and I have more than enough toys to keep my active.  There is just one thing that I can’t stand:  they want me to lie on their lap and purr while they choke me and rough me up!  How do I avoid this?  How do I tell them I don’t want to lie on their lap or anywhere else near them--because the female always has that awful sweet stuff on her and the male has some kind of rotten fish smell about him.  Please help me!

Signed Need Help”

Image by Nemo

“Dear Need Help,

I understand your issue completely.  I have a pet who puts this smelly stuff on and then wants to cuddle me as well.  I just let her know in no uncertain terms that I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO BE HELD by her when she smells that way.  You must be firm with your pets and let them know who is in charge right away.  Once they fall into the habit of making you do what they want, well, it is all over for you.  When that smell approaches---HIDE!  If they catch you, fight with everything you have.  If that doesn’t work--above all Do Not Purr for them!  Good luck,

Signed Cocoa,”

“Dear Cocoa,

Pets want me to work off all of my sleeping benefit by chasing mice around and they have reduced my food because they want me to be hungry enough to catch the mice.  What can I do?

Signed Loosing Weight”

“Dear Loosing Weight,

Image by Hans

This could be a complicated situation depending upon what you prefer.  If you like the taste of mice, then get yourself in shape and catch them for a feast rather than famine.  However, if you don’t like the taste of mice, or if you prefer to sleep rather than chase, then you must work something out with the mice. 

They must understand your situation and the consequences of their lack of cooperation.  Tell them that if they wish to remain, they need to restrain from relieving themselves inside the house, and they must only come out at night when everyone is asleep.  Occasionally, at least for a short time, they should step out in plain sight so that you can chase them in front of your pets to show that you are working hard for your supper.  After a few weeks they can stop this practice as your pets will believe the mice are gone and will reward you with plenty to eat and lots of time to sleep.    

Signed Cocoa,”

“Dear Cocoa,

Are pets really that stupid, or are they just pretending?  I awoke from a wonderful nap where I dreamt that I was a Pirate Captain on a ship filled with gold and treasures of all kinds (like tinkle toys, etc.).  I stood up and stretched, as per my routine, and suddenly I was swept off my feet by my pet who then stuffed me into their shirt and squeezed till I shrieked (okay squeaked).  Do they really think that this is how I want to be held?  How can I teach them otherwise?

Signed Squished”

“Dear  Squished,

I feel your pain, my friend.  I have been plagued by such behavior myself.  The best way to show your distaste for this type of behavior is to scratch, struggle, and growl.  I have found that by showing my dislike for this, my pets have let me go because I hurt them and then they leave me alone for a bit, which is exactly what I want.  Don’t be discouraged, it may take a few tries (okay a lot of tries) before your pet figures out what you are trying to tell them.  Just make sure you react the same way each time and you will see the difference. 

Signed Cocoa,”

Cocoa answers a letter about quirks--

“Dear Cocoa,

I am a strong male feline and I absolutely control my own home with pets who lavish all sorts of love on me regularly.  I do, however, have one weakness that I can’t seem to break and I was hoping you would help me out.  You see, I absolutely LOVE my ribbons.  I can’t help it!  If they dangle a ribbon in front of me I can’t hold back; I have to play with it.  I don’t do that with string, or yarn or cords, just ribbon!!!  Can you help me, please?  I fear I am falling off of my pedestal and losing control.

Signed Loves my Ribbon

“Dear  Loves my Ribbon,

You do not need help, my feline friend, you are absolutely perfect in every way.  You see, all felines have one or two (or three or four) little quirks in their makeup which is what makes them who they are.  Some love laser lights (I’m sure you would never chase one of those); some love the plastic bags; and some love string or yarn; you just happen to love ribbon.  Don’t ever quit because that would change you from a perfect unique feline to an ordinary cat (horrors of horrors)!

Signed Cocoa,”

Pets are dressing another feline, Cocoa speaks out--

“Dear Cocoa,

I love my pets and they are really good to me; however, I have a big problem with them insisting that I wear baby clothes and lay in a cradle at night.  I can’t stand this process, especially since the clothes itch and don’t allow me to keep myself clean.  What can I do?

Signed Clothing Stinks!”

“Dear Clothing Stinks!,

Image by Nemo

While I know that we all have our quirks, pets included, I also know that clothing on a fur covered animal is a big no-no.  Here are a few tricks you can do to stop this process:  howl all night long to let your pets know you are unhappy; hide when it is bedtime; sneak into their storage area for the clothes and take them, one at a time, and hide them under furniture that they don’t usually move; scratch and bite while they are putting the clothes on you; and, of course, race to a hiding place after they take the clothes off so that they know you are horrified at having spent the night with them on. 

I hope this helps,

Signed Cocoa,”

Cocoa has decided to take a few days off

"Hi everyone, I am sorry that I cannot be with you all the time; however, after talking with my favorite author, I realized that I should really be spending a great deal more time watching the world go by so that my answers are more educated and filled with inspiration.  Therefore, I have decided to take a few days off and chase butterflies, lie on the beach in the sun and spend quality time with my loved ones.  I hope you won't miss me too much, and rest assured, I will be back on Monday to answer all of your pressing questions.  Until then, enjoy your days and your families."  Signed Cocoa

Cocoa becomes thoughtful:

“Dear Readers,

I know that you have been anxiously awaiting my next letter answering blog; however, I learned so very much at the book signing that I wanted to share some of it with you all.  For instance:  did you know that a pet actually has to work for the things they bring home to you?  That’s right; they go to work and then come home with the things you require.  I’m not sure what they do at work, perhaps they sleep, or maybe run with different toys, or even climb condos and curtains; maybe they are entertainers that make other pets laugh, or they put a lot of marks on paper.  I can’t be sure since no one in the feline community knew. 

Image by PublicDomainPictures

I also learned that pets drive (whatever that is), cook their food (with fire, no wonder it tastes terrible), create the moving pictures on the boxes that we like to watch (how I don’t know), and make our toys for us (hmm, wonder if that’s what they do at work).  They actually go to the ‘store’ (don’t know so don’t ask) and buy things for us (buying is when they offer something in exchange for something else--like when we purr for them after they give us a treat).  Also, did you know that pets are creatures with their own personalities?  That’s right, they actually do think for themselves, but they prefer to have us think for them.  How convenient for us.  What wonderful things for our pets to do for us!  I love and worship my pets even more after finding out so much about their ‘secret’ world.  I bet you do, too.

I also learned that pets desire things for themselves and sometimes don’t want to share.  Perhaps that is why they seem to get angry when we climb onto certain things or take off with their small items that are so much fun to bat around.  

Image by PublicDomainPictures

And, the top piece of information that I learned:  not all pets like cats!!!!!!  Can you believe that?  Some of them actually like dogs (gag), or those little mouse-like things that look so tasty.  They don’t even keep the birds or fish for us to eat; they are actually for their pets.  How crude is that?

 Well, that’s all for now, until tomorrow, my faithful readers,

Signed Cocoa,

Cocoa shows off his author-signed book

Hello everyone, I am very proud to display for you the copy of my autographed book from Cat'so DeFeline himself called "The pets of Weatherly".  What a wonderful book set in the small town of Weatherly where pets have begun to take over the feline community and actually believe they are in charge.  You would never believe the ending of this wonderful tale.  Here you see my pride and joy with Mr. DeFeline's paw-print and signature right on the front cover.  Oh, what a proud day this is.  Mr. DeFeline is the one who encouraged me to begin my writing to help other feline's who may have issues they can't resolve.  Thank you, Mr. DeFeline, for your wonderful words of enchantment and fantasy.  May all your books be #1 on the feline register!

Cocoa has news

Cocoa has great news!  He has been selected to attend a book signing for his favorite cat author, Cat'so DeFeline, today at the Feline Library of Cat Writings.  He wouldn't dream of passing up that opportunity and so he may not be present to answer his fan mail today.  He will discuss his adventures in his next blog so that you will know how much he enjoyed his book signing and mixing with the writer's crowd.  He will, of course, be bringing his copy of Cat'so DeFeline's latest book, The Crooked Cat, for an autograph.

Cocoa addresses babies (feline babies of course) sleeping

“Dear Cocoa,

I am the pet of a cute little tiger kitty with yellow-green eyes and a wonderfully gentle disposition.  However, she sleeps all day long.  I can’t rouse her for nothing.  She gets up around supper time and then curls up in our laps while we watch TV, then she goes to bed with us.  I am terribly worried about her.  What can I do?

Signed Worried Pet,

“Dear Worried Pet,

Your cute little tiger kitty is fine.  She is a baby, I assume from your description, and therefore needs more sleep to grow.  Also, felines tend to sleep during the day and then play at night.  The fact that you don’t see her playing means nothing.  She will curl up with you to get the warmth (and attention); then, when you fall asleep, she is out and about stalking, playing, romping, and checking things out.  The time to be worried is if the food is not eaten and the toys are always neatly secured in their storage area. 

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa answers a question for a 'human' pet.

“Dear Cocoa,

I am the pet of a wonderful, pure bred, long-haired pure white angora.  She is a wonderful companion to me and I love her dearly.  However, I have noticed one quirk that I can’t understand.  Every time I get her things to play with, she is more interested in the wrapping or box that it comes in than in the item itself.  Can you explain this phenomenon to me, please.

Signed Wondering Pet,

“Dear Wondering Pet,

The feline is a very complicated animal who takes life as it comes and fully enjoys all aspects before they are gone.  When you bring a new item into the household, a feline will play with the wrapping first because they instinctively know you will be tossing that part out first.  They get their fun in before the item disappears.  Then they will play with the item that came in the wrapping until that item disappears for whatever reason.  I hope this helps explain the reasoning for you.

Signed Cocoa”

Playing with a baaggg.....

“Dear Cocoa,

Today is a grand day!  Today, my pets gave me the best gift I have ever had.  It is made of the crinkly stuff that makes great noises as I climb in and out.  It has holes I can reach through to swat at my pets as they walk by me.  It lays open and inviting so that I can race from the other side of the room and dive into it.  It warms me when I lay inside.  And, I can hide in it when my feline companions play hide and seek.  I absolutely love my new gift.  My pets called it a baaggg (I think that was it), can you tell all your feline readers to ask their pets for a baaggg?  They would be ever so grateful for that addition to their toy pile.

Signed Playing with Baaggg,

“Dear Playing with Baaggg,

Baagggs are indeed wonderful toys that spark the imagination and give you hours of feline fun (readers, be sure to tell your pets to get you one).  Take it from me I have played in many of them.  I especially like the more solid baagggs that stand on their own and are harder to tear up.  The destruction is the best part, I think.  Have fun with your baaggg while it lasts and be sure your pets see how much fun you are having so they get you more.

Signed Cocoa”

Cocoa addresses car sickness..

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets love to move around in this big loud rolling thing that opens up a whole new world of smells and adventure.  They have begun to take me with them, as if you couldn’t tell by my last statement, and I love it.  There is; however, one small problem:  I can’t seem to, well, keep my tummy from doing funny things and then kicking up my food leaving me empty inside.  My pets also don’t like the mess I make and I fear they will stop taking me in the big loud rolling thing with them.  Is there anything I can do?

Signed Riding With Pets,

Make your mess in a small bag...
Image by Nemo

“Dear Riding With Pets,

What you are experiencing is called Big Loud Rolling Thing sickness.  There is no cure except to not eat before going with your pets.  I suggest that you pay attention to the days they go out in the big loud rolling thing and then don’t eat your food on those types of days until later in the night, just in case.  If you forget or miss a cue, try making your mess inside something so it won’t show.  A small bag, a shoe, a toy of some sort, even deep under the seat so that your pets can’t see the mess and will think all is well.

Signed Cocoa”

“Dear Cocoa,

I, too, have been invaded by a baby feline who takes everything I have and plays with anything that moves including her own tail.  At first I was horrified and growled a lot to let her know I was unhappy with her antics.  But then she curled up next to me and purred, kinda reminded me of when I was just a little feller.  Well, I couldn’t get over that.  So, I am a surrogate daddy to a cute little gray fur-ball that, well, I guess you could say she makes me feel young again.

Signed This Newbie is Loved,

“Dear This Newbie is Loved,

This Newbie's is Loved
writer as a 'little one'.

I am glad to hear that you have worked out your differences with the little fur-ball, as you call her.  Just don’t let her get on top with your pets.  Make sure she knows the rules and follows them consistently.  Discipline, however strict, will have to be done out of the pets view, but don’t let the little one fool you, she remembers--she remembers everything!

Signed Cocoa”

A Newbie gets the attention...

“Dear Cocoa,

I have been living in my home with my pets for several years and all has been well, until yesterday.  Yesterday my pets invited a baby into my home.  He takes my hugs and pets; he sleeps in my bed; he eats from my bowl; and he steals my attention.  Is there something I can do?  Or am I doomed to play second fiddle for the rest of my days?

Signed Hate the Newbie”

“Dear Hate the Newbie,

There is hope!  Your pets have brought in what they think will be a companion for you to play with; but what is, in actuality, competition.  Be careful with this situation.  Wait until your pets are not around and then make sure the Newbie knows the rules.  Let him get the cuddles and special treatment when the pets are around but let him know that it is because you are allowing it.  Once the Newbie is no longer new, you can begin openly letting him know if you are unhappy with his behavior.  At that point, your pets will probably agree with you and there will be no further issues.

Signed Cocoa”

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets have created this box that moves and shows all of my favorite creatures (birds, insects, spiders, rats, mice, etc.) moving around.  I have become fascinated by the box and can’t seem to get away from it once I have seen that it is on.  Is this something I should be afraid of?

Signed Should I be Scared?”

“Dear Should I be Scared?,

From deshow.net

DON’T LOOK AT THE BOX!  Your pets are trying to hypnotize you into docility by showing you things that distract you from being an active feline.  The box is dangerous.  The box will draw you in until you have become trapped inside (how do you think the other creatures got in there?).  So I say again:  DON’T LOOK AT THE BOX!  Ignore it whenever you find it is on--in fact you should run to a deep, dark, tiny hidey-hole and bury your face in your paws until it is off!  I wish you luck with this situation.  PS:  I will understand if you do not write back about your success in this matter….no one ever does.

Signed Cocoa”

Pets are embarrassing me---

“Dear Cocoa,

My pets insist on dressing me in silly clothes that are tight, uncomfortable and, well, embarrassing.  What can I do to stop them from doing this to me?

Signed Embarrassed”

“Dear Embarrassed,

If I were you I would fight to the death whenever you see those awful clothes heading your way.  Take out the claws; swat and bite like mad; race away and hide in the tightest spaces you can find; cry piteously whenever they manage to get something on you; and, for feline sakes, don’t let them take pictures--oh, I see it is too late for that.  Sorry, I hope you manage to get away.

Signed Cocoa”